I’ve left it far too late to write much here. Chucking it down with rain most of the day and it’s supposed to freeze tonight. That’ll be fun in the morning! Which, incidentally, isn’t that far away.
I promise to come up with more tomorrow than a couple of sentences about how late it is and how I don’t have time to blog, okay? Especially as it’ll be my last entry for 2009!
Roll up for the End Of The Year show…
After the shock of last night when I was convinced for a little while that my laptop had died, I’m happy to report (quietly, though, and although I’m not superstitious can everyone touch wood as they read this) that it seems to be humming happily to itself again.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I was horrified at the prospect of it being FUBAR’ed and felt a little like this…
I guess I’d have managed without it. I’d have had no choice, really but it brought it home to me how much I rely on it. Besides the internet access it’s a radio, a DVD player, a photo album, a back-up of all my music and just generally a window on the world for times that I’m alone. And, mercifully, it appears to be working now!
So for tonight I’m not even approaching the profound or the meaningful. I’m just giving thanks that I’m here at all. And that my will-power held this morning when I was offered a cigarette by a well-meaning colleague at work. Was I tempted? For a second yes I was. Only for a second though. I realised that although the thought of having a smoke was kinda nice, I didn’t really want one. This is an important realisation. I guess I could now be described as a recovering addict rather than just an addict. I wouldn’t like to be without one of these, though…
I know that they look a little naff. In fact they look like one has a mini-tampon in one’s mouth, which is classy. A nice lady in a pharmacy gave me a pair of black ones which are at least a little less uncool than the white ones. They provide the hit of nicotine should the craving get uncontrollable and satisfy the habit of “hand to mouth” which is such a big part of smoking.
Speaking of hands, I have something of a rash at the moment. I don’t think it’s my old stress-related thing, it looks more like some kind of contact dermatitis. Maddeningly itchy it is, so I’m hoping it fades very quickly.
Right – today my shower was finally fixed so I’m off to stand under running hot water before bedtime. Sweet dreams, everyone.
Normal service may be resumed if I can get my laptop to run for more than 5 minutes without crashing. This is sent from my phone.
Obviously this cuts most of my access to Facebook, email and music.
I think that was the sound of a door slamming.
It’s getting late and I don’t believe I shall be out of bed for much longer. It’s not as cold outside as it has been for the last few nights and I don’t believe that there’s a frost. At least there wasn’t the last time that I looked and I can’t honestly be bothered to get up and look specifically to check.
I typed the word “believe” in each of the first two sentences tonight and got it wrong both times. As I did in the sentence previous to this one. Does this mean I’m having problems with belief?
So WTF am I doing awake at this time of the morning? Nothing really. Just been hanging out online, passing the time.
It’s now even later and no I haven’t yet been to sleep. I’ve been “chatting” with my favourite lady and then just laid here in the dark, thinking. And getting hungry apparently. “Hungry” must be dealt with so I just padded down to the kitchen for some kind of snack. Snack is now consumed and I’m about to try to get some sleep with loads buzzing around in my head.
Mercifully, I’ve got a day off work tomorrow. I also have a horrible feeling that I might not be very coherent for much longer so I’ll sign off and maybe be back in the morning.
I need some kind of a title for this post, too. I can’t think of anything brilliantly witty to call it so I’m going to pluck a word from the ether at random and drop it in as the post title.
Laters
As the forecast for tonight is between –4 and –7C, I think the word “bleak” is permissible. Sudden, too. I was walking home at about half past five this evening and it was slightly frosty. An hour and a half later and there was thick ice on the pavements! Scary.
Funny day today. Yesterday there was a definite Christmas buzz around, even work felt Christmassy. Today, not so much. There’s been a subdued air about and I don’t know why.
In the hunt for a little Christmas spirit to match my own (which had become sorely tried over the course of the day) I set out with the intention of finding a Church service tonight. I envisaged warmth and light and singing and families and just generally Christmas. What I found was a Cathedral with the gates securely locked. I’d been told that there was a church about 30 minutes walk away that was nice so I set off for that, not quite realising how slippery the pavements were. No, I didn’t fall over but I had to moderate my speed a fair bit, with the result that their service had started when I got there. At least I think it had.
I’d kind of expected that a church on Christmas Eve would be full of light and voices whereas this one had the lights turned on but seemed quiet apart from that. I noticed a handful of people outside the door and asked as politely as I could whether or not the service had started. I wasn’t really expecting the answer I got. I don’t intend to quote it word for word here as this is a family show but suffice to say it referred to my nationality and compared me to an area of the female anatomy as well as enquiring why I was interested. I left.
It’s no big deal – I’ve been called worse. I was slightly saddened that it happened on a church doorstep on Christmas Eve, though. It kind of killed off my desire for company as well, so I made my careful way back home and put the radio on. I’m now sat here very early on Christmas morning listening to Carols. As much as I’d like to linger here a while longer, with the sweet sounds of the choir ringing out, some of us are at work in the morning…
Merry Christmas, everyone.
So, very quickly before I start work.
I knew it had snowed last night out where my Lady lives because she told me so. There wasn't a single flake in the city, though. I got up this morning to see no sign of frosty sparkles by the streetlights. It wasn't until I got more than half-way down to the city centre to catch my bus that I saw any signs of a freeze at all. The were occasional glistens on cars that had been parked overnight but the pavements were clear.
I don't tend to pay much attention out of the bus windows any more - I've seen the view from the main road enough to know that it's there and to be aware of any mornings when it might look particularly spectacular. To be honest, it's still dark when I'm travelling in and I can't see much anyway. It wasn't until I got off the bus at the airport that I noticed the ground was white.
"Sharp frost out here!" thought I. This wouldn't have been impossible as the airport and the business park have their very own weather systems going on, being on the top of a hill.
But no, it was snow. A good few inches of it, too. So this morning, I walked to work from the airport following rabbit tracks in the snow by the tangerine sparkle of the streetlights. Slightly surreal. No more so than working on Christmas Day, though.
Laters, people.
It’s Christmas Eve eve. As my shower isn’t working I’m waiting for water to boil so I can wash my hair and have a quick wash down.
It’s very cold here currently. I just heard a weather forecast on the radio which suggested a drop to –7C tonight, so I’ll have to take care walking down for the bus in the morning. It may be a little slippy underfoot. I actually slipped over earlier this evening. Polly and I were in the car when she noticed a lady picking herself up off the pavement. Polly pulled in and I got out of the car to go and see if the lady was alright. I hadn’t planned to be going base over apex myself, on a sheet of sheer ice. Apparently it was a complete slapstick fall, with my legs flying right up in the air. I was fine, luckily, as was the lady who’d fallen.
I mentioned the other day that I’d be guiding you to the greatest invention ever. A very pretty girl very nearly guessed right when she said “electric blanket”. I was actually surprised that she didn’t get it right as I’d been waxing lyrical about this very item earlier that evening. I meant these:
which are just the best idea ever! No more getting a handful of dog slobber when one picks up a tennis ball. Just a flick of the wrist and the ball goes sailing away. A certain dog I met a couple of days ago loves it, as does his little friend.
It’s been ages since I had to wash my hair over a sink! That was a flash-back. The shower was FUBAR’ed when I got home from work on Saturday. It’s been replaced but the pipe taking water to it is outside the house and is frozen, apparently. We’ll see if the new one works when this cold snap ends. I actually have my doubts.
Bed for me. Goodnight all.
“At Christmas you tell the truth” someone once said. Telling the truth isn’t that hard if one picks and chooses the times. It’s even fairly easy to get by with “not lying” and just finessing what one says sufficiently to hide what’s really going on. Occasionally an outright lie may be called for.
If it’s someone who doesn’t know you well enough to detect the deception, then I suppose that’s all well and good. God knows I’ve done it. If it’s someone that knows you, really knows you, then they’re likely to know that they’re not being told the whole truth. They may choose to let it go, thinking that you have your reasons.
The hard part comes when someone one has sworn never to lie to, and who knows one well enough to detect a falsehood, asks a question the honest answer to which may hurt them.
I faced that today and told the truth. The truth is that life is hard sometimes. Having said that, I can expand on it.
Yes, I get lonely sometimes when the house is cold, empty and quiet. I struggle sometimes at work and feel an ache in my heart whenever anyone walks past me with a dog. I will never forget the look on my Elder Daughter’s face when I left and I’m sorry for the pain I caused other members of my family.
I wouldn’t undo any of it, though. Life is hard and not as long as we’d like. Since July I have had days the bliss and contentment of which far outweigh any darkness lurking. I have found that which I was always looking for, my heart’s ease and my constant joy.
That sounds a little “cheesy” even to me! Sorry, everyone.
It’s true though. If someday I may be called to account and asked to pay for what I’ve done, then so be it. Any choice, other than the one I made, would have left my heart and soul cold and dead within me. I chose life and light, laughing in the rain, kissing in the mist and the smartest, most delightful, witty, caring, beautiful woman that ever lived. I am hers for this life and beyond and she knows it. She is my dream, my hope, my inspiration and my spur. She’s my darlin’ girl and my Lady.
She’s probably embarrassed now, too! Back to more prosaic things, next post. Broken showers, payslips and the greatest invention ever…well…invented. And I don’t mean the wheel. Nor Jaffa Cakes!
I have lots that I’d like to say here but I’ve left it too late and am too cold, so it’ll have to wait for a slightly less chilly time. Maybe tomorrow.
It was seriously frosty here last night. While my lovely Lady was out in the car about 11 pm it was freezing. I don’t imagine that it got any warmer between then and morning so I’m very,very grateful that she got up far earlier than she needed to in order to drive me to work.
Back to bus travel in the morning though, as she’s in Dublin this evening enjoying Eddie Izzard. I, clearly, am not jealous in the slightest.
I actually don’t mind the bus journeys. I’ve managed to find a way of getting in and out of work that costs about half of what Bus Eireann would charge me, which is good. The journey in in the mornings gives me a chance to doze with my iPod on and the journey back into town in the afternoon gives me a chance to just…unwind. Of course, I’m quite happy to ditch the bus for the chance of a lift with my darlin’ girl.
My Christmas decorations are all up. I may even honour you all with a picture in a couple of days. Or I might not. Depends. I really ought to wrap Christmas pressies, write cards and post what needs posting.
I also ought to be getting to sleep. Night, everyone. Who knows, I may even dream of an unexpected trip overseas that’s been suggested for next year. How cool would that be?
It’s been a few days since I got around to posting. Sorry guys. It’s easy to get into the habit of blogging every day but just as easy to get out of the habit.
Since I was last here I’ve been to see the rather wonderful Joe Bonamassa play live and have bought tickets for Deep Purple next June. It’s so good to have been to a gig again.
What else? I’ve bought some more Christmas decorations and am slowly getting them put up bit by bit. I blitzed the housework a few days ago which felt pretty good so maybe I should approach the decorations in the same way – pitch into them and not stop or get distracted until they’re done.
I’m still a cigarette-free zone although I had a rather major wobble this afternoon in town and very nearly asked a complete stranger for a smoke! The will-power just held though and the craving passed. Or “faded” rather than “passed”. I’d still like one but don’t want one, if you get my drift. I rather think that this might be a battle I have to fight for the rest of my life.
On the subject of “the rest of my life”, it’s surprising how little time it takes for me to miss my Lady when we’re not together. My hand feels cold and empty without hers in it, without her shoulder to hug or her hair to stroke. Even the house seems warmer when she’s here or maybe that’s just the warmth she brings to my heart.
It’s late. I have “stuff” I want to get done tomorrow so I’m off to bed. Sweet dreams, everyone. Especially you…
It's a rainy, chilly Monday morning and I've already been at work for half an hour. I actually start in 15 minutes.
"So what's your point?", I hear you ask.
Just this - I'm happy. I have a home, a job and I'm very much in love.
I wanted to tell you all that. I want to tell everyone that! As if it's not obvious when they look at me.
I must stop the whole “dropping off in the armchair when I get home”. All it does is put the times that I get things done back, like tonight. I’d planned to have an earlier night but here I sit wrapped in towels, only just out of the shower.
That’s the best case scenario. Yesterday was awful. I dropped off about 6 in the evening, I guess and woken with a start about an hour later. Seeing the time was nearly 7, I jumped up in a panic, convinced that it was 7 a.m. and I was late for work. Not good.
I actually deleted a post from last night as being unnecessarily negative.
I had a night out and a few games of pool. End of.
I wish I hadn't got my shifts muddled up though. I was in work well before 7 yesterday morning, as usual, and didn't realise until nearly 8 that it was my day off and I wasn't supposed to be in. Back home and back to bed went I.
Would it be alright if I did the same thing today? Rather tired here, actually.
I didn’t mean nor want to be up this late. Believe it or not I got involved in some housework and didn’t realise how late it was getting.
I’m sat here now, having a last drink before bed. Still off the smokes and increasingly determined to stay that way.
I don’t know why I’m posting at all – I don’t really have anything to say. I burned my finger tonight but that’s hardly newsworthy. It’s not going to bring civilisation crumbling into ruin, is it? I’d hate for my finger to be blamed for the end of the world as we know it. Mind you, if we were facing a global crisis that could be directly attributed to me, I’d just arrange for someone to do the Robot Dance to distract everyone else while I made good my escape.
And on that note, I climb the stairs…
It’s been a few days. I’d kind of fallen into the habit of posting something here every evening. I don’t know why I’ve missed a few days. I’ve had nothing particular that I care to say but that doesn’t usually stop me!
One thing that is probably worth mentioning is that I haven’t had a cigarette since November 30th. That’s now three full days. I must admit, though, if I could’ve bought just one somewhere tonight…
So what else? The usual kind of thing – work, worry about some things and deep contentment with others. Just your normal kind of a life really.
There was a very cold snap in the weather here a few days ago, to the extent that I went out and bought hat and gloves and a pair of boots with rather more grip on them than my others. The walk from here to the bus-stop at silly o’clock in the morning is down a rather steep hill. I don’t relish that walk if the pavements are slippery.
I decorated my desk at work today. Just a little tinsel and a very mini-tree but it looks quite festive. This is remarkable, especially when added to the fact that I’ve now got a Christmas Tree up in the house too. I’m unrecognisable from the guy who grumbled and bitched his way through Christmas 2007.
So I suppose I should draw a line under today. I think that tomorrow is Friday, so I’ve got two days left before I get a day off. I lose track of what day it is so easily now. It must be my age (before anyone else says it!) I guess.
Okay, I’m off to bed as soon as I can get my internet connection to hold long enough to post this. Sweet dreams.
For whatever reason there seem to be a lot of intimations of mortality around at the moment.
Life is a wonderful thing and I intend to spend many years of it with someone who’ll read this soon, who makes every moment of it sweeter than it would be without her. For that reason, amongst others, tonight I smoke my last cigarettes. This life is short enough as it is, I need to make sure that my last meal is a long, long time away.
Something unexpected happened to me on Saturday evening. I started to cry.
Not through sadness or loneliness or regret or anything like that. I’m actually hard pushed to put a single word on it.
There’s a park in the city centre called Bishop Lucey Park. It’s been done out as a winter wonderland, filled with lights and grottos, snow machines and people dressed as animals who shake hands and hug children. Santa is there too, of course.
I’d been working on Saturday. Working hard to hit targets and achieve stats. You know how it is. When I got off the bus in the city centre, on my way home, I found a craft fair and food stalls all along Grand Parade. I was delighted – it beat walking home to an empty house. I was browsing through the pretty things at the fair with the scents of burgers and the bustle of the crowds filling my senses when I spotted the lights in the park and thought I’d have a look.
My first thought was “wow, that’s nice” as I approached. The entrance to the park is a big arched gateway and as I walked under the arch and took in the full scene I just knew I wanted to take a picture to show Polly. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and felt a sudden tightening in my throat. My hands fell to my sides and I looked around me again. The air seemed filled with more than just dancing lights and fake snow swirling around frames in reindeer shapes. There was an almost palpable feeling of happiness. My face twisted and I felt tears filling my eyes. This made the lights sparkle even more and intensified the effect. I had to go and stand in a quiet corner of the park for a few minutes while I wept silent tears of wonder.
So what brought that on? Lack of sleep and a long day’s work? Maybe. I prefer to think that I walked slap bang into the Christmas spirit, way before I expected to, that it killed stone dead the last of the cold-hearted cynic within me and the tears were, maybe, of relief that such simple happiness could reach me. I wandered around the park like a man in a daze, with a smile playing around my lips. I shook hands with someone dressed as a giant chipmunk who had just hugged a little girl until she giggled. I tried to take some pictures with trembling hands, which I’ll try to load here too. They didn’t come out very well but that’s not the point. Something important happened to me on Saturday and I’m a better person for it.
So much so that I found myself back there tonight, enjoying the good vibes and the brief company of a very, very pretty lady and her children. And I bought a Christmas tree, more of which another night.
Two things of note happened today.
I did something very silly, which I have no intention of going into and later someone did the honour of trusting me with the truth.
I don’t propose to discuss that in detail either beyond saying that I don’t believe anyone has every valued me that highly before. I became quite emotional.
If you’ll pardon my being cryptic, that is all for tonight.
Over the years I suppose I've changed. Everybody does. I was painfully shy as a child, which probably caused me to over-compensate and to appear a bit of a spoiled brat at times.
One thing that hasn't changed in me is my compassion for others. However I might try to feign a world-weariness sometimes, I still worry about "people" in general. This way lies madness, if taken to extremes, so I've had to try to keep a lid on it and satisfy myself with the odd random act of kindness, supporting Greenpeace and trying not to be unpleasant to anyone, no matter how much I may dislike them or feel that they deserve it.
That's strangers, though. When someone close to me, whom I love and care about, is hurt or cross or upset then it's going to impact me. Not on the surface level where it affects my interactions with others or means I can't do my job. I mean deep down inside where the deepest and truest of emotions lay. The best way to describe it is "what touches you, touches me".
For someone I love, I'll take on the world, if they'll let me.
There’s nothing for warming you when you’re cold like tomato soup. I’m almost tempted to capitalise that. Tomato Soup. There.
I hadn’t been at secondary school long – I must have been in the first or second year. A sponsored walk was organised to raise funds, if I remember correctly, for a new mini-bus for the school. The route for us young ‘uns was along the bank of the River Great Ouse from Lynn to Stowbridge, which made a round trip of about 13 or 14 miles. The older students had the option of pressing on the Downham Market, if they wished, making a round trip of about 25.
I have no idea what time of year it was, except that it clearly wouldn’t have been February or anything like that. Even though this was the late ‘70s, there would have been some kind of objection to kids walking at that time of year. Whenever it was, predictably, it threw it down with rain. We weren’t obliged to all stick together as long as no-one was walking alone. I seem to remember being a group of 5 of 6 and we were a rather sorry looking lot by the time we trudged into a marquee by the river at Stowbridge. We were wet through and thoroughly cold. Staff members were serving hot soup. I have never to this day tasted anything as delicious as the two cups of soup I had that day.
Obviously that’s a little artistic licence going on there. Nevertheless the taste of that soup, on that cold wet day, having walked for miles has stayed with me over the years. I don’t believe that I will ever taste Tomato Soup without thinking of that day.
I have had an evening of searching for that which I cannot find. Sounds profound I know.
I’m not talking about about searching for love or truth or righteousness. I’m referring to my fruitless search for €6 in Tesco vouchers. I meant to take them to Tesco, to put toward some shopping on Monday. Yesterday. I would have sworn that they were in my wallet but apparently not. Tonight I have lifted things, moved things, rummaged through things, shuffled things and scattered things. For God’s sake, I don’t have that many things here!
The vouchers have clearly slipped through through an eddy in the time-space continuum and are probably wafting gently in the breeze in 6th century Mongolia, or some such place.
I have been remarkably restrained and have not sworn at all. Well, hardly at all. When I have resorted to foul language it’s not been because of the non-appearance of the damnable vouchers, it’s been if I knock my knee on something. I tripped down a curb this morning, while not looking where I was going. My own fault entirely. The knee has been a little sore all day but is now gradually stiffening up. I’m going to take it off to bed, to the warm and have a few pages of my book.
And tomorrow, I promise, I will do the ironing. I’ll have to – I’m running out of shirts!
I just deleted several paragraphs. What I’d written made it sound like I’m miserable and I’m really not. I’m fairly chirpy, actually. So let’s start again, shall we?
My littlest girl is 15 today. I rang the school and checked she was having a good time. They offered to bring her to the phone but she was in the middle of “having a good time” and I didn’t like to disturb her. Don’t the years go by fast? Sometimes.
I remember when I was 15. It was about that age when I decided that I could overcome being painfully shy by inventing a persona – presenting a mask to the world, if you will. Very few people ever realised this. It’s only very recently that I’ve been able to let him slip quietly away into rehab and take up the reins of my own life again. Like pushing a car downhill, he kind of ran away with me. There are still people who only know me by his name.
Anyhoo, here I am, taking slightly bigger steps every day. When I have a certain hand in mine those steps could be on clouds.
Okay that last sentence may have stepped over the line. If anyone feels nauseous now, I apologise.
Shower. Ovaltine (I know, I know). Bed. Sweet dreams everyone.
Before it gets too late and I get too tired, just a few words.
It’s seemed cold here today. The strong wind has obviously been a part of that. I’ve hardly left the house at all. I strolled over to the local shop and bought milk, marmalade and biscuits but the whole trip took no longer than 10 minutes.
I’m guessing that the fact I haven’t had a decent walk today is the reason that I’m a bit achy. I’ve pottered around the house, done a whole bunch of laundry and some housework but steadfastly ignored the ironing. I’m used to walking a fairly good distance every day and the fact that I haven’t today has been a bit of a shock to my system.
I’ve always enjoyed walking. It’s very rare that the weather would put me off and it wouldn’t have today if I’d really wanted to go. I don’t suppose a day away from it will hurt. I really fancy walking amongst some trees, rather than down to and then around the city centre but we’ll see how it goes. I’ve got tomorrow off work so I’m not forced to do anything but will probably wind up getting some shopping.
What would be really cool would be a walk through dark, sheltered woodland, suddenly emerging from the trees to find myself on a windy headland looking out over a tear-swept bay. Ideally with my Lady beside me. Then a meal of hearty, home cooked food by an open fire in a tiny pub somewhere before walking back. Solitary drops of rain blowing in the wind, stopping to kiss under branches looming protectively over us.
Or sandcastles! I’d like to build sandcastles. I haven’t built sandcastles for years and years. I don’t think I’ve even set foot on a beach for longer than I care to remember. Crowded beaches in hot, sunny weather ain’t really my thing, as regular readers may be aware.
But she’s at work tomorrow and I’ll most likely find myself in a Tesco’s which is slightly more prosaic!
For whatever reason though, I can’t wait until the morning…
I nearly went to a pub tonight. Shock horror!
No seriously. Myself and my Lady were invited out by a friend of ours who was going out to licensed premises with her team from work. Polly couldn’t make it but I had every intention of wandering down for a pint. It’s been well over a week since a drop has touched my lips.
I got as far as putting my boots and coat on and opening the front door. The rain was being hurled sideways down the street as the wind howled with insane glee. For some reason I couldn’t quite take this picture in. It’s not like it should have surprised me – the weather has been very wild here. I stood in the doorway for while prevaricating. And procrastinating. And probably a few other words beginning with “pr”. Then I turned around, took my coat off and put the kettle on. I must be getting old.
So I’ve had a night in with warm drinks and an internet connection that’s been surprisingly constant, given the prevailing weather conditions. Incidentally, something has just rattled against the back door. Either Marley’s ghost is early and lost or there’s hail about too. Lovely.
The day started with rain too. I was late up, having forgotten to set my alarm. What a dope! Luckily I woke with a start at 10 to 6, with plenty of time to walk down and catch a bus to be there before 7. Had it not been persistently raining I would have. Something inside me rebelled at the thought of the walk though and I bit the bullet and got a cab in. At least that way I had time for a coffee before I started.
I now have two days off, at least one of which ought to be spent catching up on the housework. “Ought to”. No really.
My main plan for tomorrow is to wake up early enough to enjoy lounging around in bed. Does that make even a tiny bit of sense? Not necessarily going back to sleep just stretching and snuggling and enjoying being warm and comfy. Sigh.
It’s not as late as last night but I’ve been out for a lovely meal with a beautiful lady tonight and am happy, fed and kinda drowsy. I don’t feel inclined to battle against the drowsiness nor to sit around in a, frankly, chilly lounge when I have a warm and cosy bed waiting for me.
So it’s goodnight, everybody. Catch you tomorrow.
I feel kinda bad that I haven’t blogged tonight. It’s now got too late and I’m too tired for much.
In fact I’m too tired to try. Later dudes.
So I get out of bed and step into a puddle. That suggests to me that rain is getting in.
I'd left some clean clothes out which had been dripped on so I had to have a quick rethink at 5.15 before going out into the rain to catch my ridiculously early bus.
And I came out without my ID badge which means I can't get into the building until someone else arrives to let me in. No sitting in the warm with a leisurely coffee for me this morning! Just hanging around outside getting wetter.
Growl
The house has sprung a leak from somewhere!
I don’t think it’s rain getting in. It’s dripping very slowly through the lounge ceiling but the bedroom floor above it seems dry as a bone, unless I’m missing something which isn’t impossible.
I’m hoping that it’s going to be fixed tomorrow but then I hoped it was going to be fixed today. Tomorrow is another day though, right? Perhaps Thursdays are better starred days for amateur Irish plumbers.
For tonight, that is all. Bed beckons. Goodnight everyone.
I feel better now. Getting paid monthly takes a little adjustment and it's Younger Daughter's birthday next Monday.
It took counting out some change and getting €55 changed into paper money but today I bought and posted a little something for her. I think it's something she'll enjoy and I have an idea for Christmas too!
Wow. The meter at right tells me that I’ve hit 1500 visitors since Twirling went live. Can I take this opportunity to thank everyone who has dropped by. It’s rather humbling to know that people take time out of their busy days (and nights) to call in here and read my ramblings. It gives me great pleasure to note that visitor #1500 was browsing on the Meteor Mobile network from Ireland, via mobile phone. I know who that is. Hiya, Polly!!
So it’s Sunday. I don’t know what it is currently about this day of the week. I wasn’t terribly cheerful last Sunday and haven’t really been this one either. I’ve hardly left the house today but had no real, pressing reason to do so and if I don’t go out, I don’t wind up spending money. It’s been getting gradually greyer all day and finally started throwing it down with rain about tea-time, with the consequence that both my internet and my mobile phone signal died completely for a while. Thank God for radio.
I then spent about an hour to see if there was anyway for me to pick up a stream of BBC TV over here so I could watch Dr Who but sadly not. I can get most of the BBC radio channels, with the exception of a few live sporting events which are licensed for the UK only, but no TV at all. Not even past shows on the iplayer. Never mind.
I don’t plan on being up much longer. I shall take the laptop up to bed as, once I have the famed electric blanket turned on, it’s by far the warmest place in the house. There’ll I shall listen to online radio for a while, poke at Facebook and maybe have a page or two of a book.
Earlier this evening, I had the pleasure of speaking to my Younger Daughter on the telephone. I say “speaking to” rather than “speaking with” because, as long-time readers of my blog may know, she’s profoundly autistic and has no verbal communication at all. It’s a matter for debate how much she understands but she has no recognisable speech at all. She cooed and squeaked down the phone at me for a few minutes, while I spoke to her and then she ran off giggling. Sounds like my littlest girl is doing well. She’s got a birthday coming up soon and the carer I spoke to at her residential school said that she thought Y.D. would probably like a colourful cookbook for her birthday. She’s always loved flicking through the pages and tapping at pictures of food she recognises. I’ll see what I can find. I was also given an idea for a Christmas present. Apparently one of the other kids there has one of those yoga/exercise balls – the big ones, which Y.D has fallen in love with. I’ll look into how much they cost.
Okay then. I think I’ll start powering down the downstairs of the house and go somewhere my feet will be a little warmer. Sweet dreams, everyone.
I had every intention of blogging tonight but I spent the largest part of the evening in the company of a delightful, beautiful lady and am far too blissed out to type anything other than how happy she makes me.
So for tonight, “I’m very happy” and goodnight!
So I’m back. It’s later than I intended and I’m in bed. Laptops are wonderful things!
Wow, I felt rough earlier, not to whine about it. The fresh air helped a little bit and I managed not to get too badly rained on. I now have all the makings required for a fire for whenever it gets cold early enough to light one. If it’s not worth it I shall probably just retire to bed.
I got my pretty picture framed this evening and also hung a curtain to hide a rather unsightly alcove in the bedroom. The plaster in the wall was a nightmare to drill into, to put up the curtain pole – I dread to think how old it might be.
I kind of think that I ought to have something to say as I’m blogging from bed at silly o’clock in the morning. I have no deep insights to share with you, I’m afraid. Yet again it’s late and I feel wide awake. I’m kind of peckish again, too. So much so that I’m probably going to curtail my ramblings here and go and get something to snack on.
I went for Bran Flakes. What I really fancied was a bacon sandwich but I’m buggered if I’m grilling bacon at this hour.
Luckily I’m not at work tomorrow. The way the shifts have fallen I don’t go back until Tuesday. Hopefully by then I’ll be feeling a little better disposed toward the firm than I do at the moment.
I’ve just noticed how quiet it is. I guess all the students have rolled back to their digs, there’s hardly any traffic going by and the night is dark, restless and blustery. Cold. Not far off a frost, I think. I can hear the wind, even though I haven’t opened the window yet. I guess I should renew my acquaintanceship with my pillow. Just relax and switch off for a few hours. See if I can’t drift away into the land of nod.
I’ve said an awful lot of nothing here, haven’t I? Sweet dreams, everyone. I’ll lay here and listen to the wind singing for a while…
I’m usually more of a late-night blogger than early afternoon, so I hope this doesn’t surprise anyone too much.
It looks like a beautiful Autumn day out there and I’m cross that I’ve missed so much of it. Without wanting to whine, I’ve felt like crap all day so far though, and haven’t felt up to going out. There’s stuff that I need to get today so I’m going to have to bite the bullet, wrap up warm and do it. I’d love to have gone out just for a walk to enjoy the day, rather than being sat here but I think that I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. I’m at a little bit of a low ebb today – I think that being under the weather for well over a week is starting to take it’s toll. For God’s sake, I’m going to turn into a paracetamol tablet at this rate!
Anyhoo, my plan was to try and collect some wood to help start a fire, rather having to buy any. I might still see if there’s any laying around but unless I feel a lot better once I’m in the fresh air, I shan’t be making any specific trips to do so.
I’m sure that you all know what it’s like when you’re feeling poorly – everything tends to be half-empty rather than half-full and it’s easy to drift into melancholy when you’re alone.
*reaches for bootstraps* So I’m going to get ready and go out. I’m going to strictly limit what I spend, although I do want to buy a frame for the picture I was bought so I can put it up when I get back. One of the cool things about living in a city, even a relatively small one, is that there’s always a buzz going on somewhere. If I can feel a little vibrancy around me, it might shake me out of this torpor.
I’ll be back later and I’ll let you know.
I bought coal today. Yes the house has central heating but I only spend any real amount of time in the lounge and I have an electric blanket to warm the bed.
I haven’t had the pleasure of real fires since I was a young boy. As of the age of about seven I was considered responsible enough to build a fire and vividly remember doing so on Saturday mornings, waiting for the television to start. You have to remember that this was in the days that between midnight and about 9 o’clock all the television showed was white noise, unless you were lucky enough to catch the Test Card.
So tomorrow I’m going to buy firelighters and find some kindling. I don’t want to have to buy that too but any wood I can find is likely to be too wet to burn.
I have visions of being sat here of a cold evening with a fire blazing to warm my heart.
Of course, getting the coal home was a task. After yesterday’s exertions with a big, heavy box, today I found myself walking up a rather steep hill with a 20 kg sack of coal thrown over a shoulder. Oh, and a bag of shopping in one hand. I am getting too old for this kind of shit. I made it home before the rain started, though. Considering how wet and stormy the weather has been here today, I think I’ve been pretty lucky to have missed getting a soaking. I wasn’t out for long but I don’t think being drenched in particularly cold rain would have helped my physical condition.
I’m fairly convinced that I don’t have Swine Flu. I don’t feel consistently ill enough to have any kind of flu, although as Polly’s noticed as well, it comes in waves. One minute we can be feeling fine, the next minute there’s a wave of…well…weakness, as much as anything. Aches appear but then fade away after a while. My recollections of seasonal flu are of feeling like death warmed up all the time. And only just with the chill taken off, at that!
The last embers of the fire are settling slowly and gradually fading from a pulsating orange to a tired ashen-white, still with ghosts of flames playing about them. I think it’s nearly time for bed. I could, of course, take the laptop with me but I only get about an hour’s usage on the battery and I can’t be arsed to carry the power cable up as well. I may have a Sunday morning in bed online, maybe but we’ll see. For now it’s time to snuggle in the warmth with a book.
Sleep well, everyone. Keep the chills away.
So have we had/do we have Swine Flu? With no underlying health conditions that it might affect, I guess it’s possible. If this is a head cold that myself and Polly have been trying to shake off then it’s a complete and utter doozy. “Ping, motherfucker” as a young fairy might have said. Better to get it out of the way, maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t felt particularly flu-like but I don’t remember ever having such a nasty, persistent cold ever before.
Isn’t it funny how just looking at a coal fire can make one feel warmer? And why have I never owned an electric blanket before?
Should I be worried that my short-term memory is so poor that I forget to even write a shopping list?
31kg is kind of an abstract figure until one tries to carry a box weighing that by a pair of thin plastic straps. Who can blame the Gard for being amused?
What made me happiest today? An outrageously priced snack lunch, an aviary, an unfinished game of Jenga in a summerhouse and the fact that a lad of 9 is so comfortable calling me by name.
I seem to bring out people’s inner hippie. I got called “man” today by one of the guys in the local corner shop.
I did the washing up tonight and promise to iron tomorrow. Maybe.
I’d like another glass of wine but don’t have any. Between you and me it’s been an awful long time since I had a joint. I mean years. In fact I’d like another glass of wine so much that it’s probably a good thing I can’t have one.
I fully understand that I’m never going to make a living as a singer but it won’t stop me singing at the drop of hat, nor dancing for that matter. Boogie chillun!!
I’m going to buy a television in the January sales (if they have such things in Ireland). As much for news and sport as anything else. I’m in no hurry - “I don’t need T.V. when I got T.Rex”!
I’m getting so OCD about formatting of electronic communication I’m now seriously considering going back over this to make it a bulleted list.
Life’s a gas.
I was bought a pretty picture by a pretty girl and must remember to buy a frame for it. See above for details of my memory.
I remember clearly January 16th this year and always will.
It’s later than I realised and I should probably try to sleep. Wide awake now, though. Thoughts cascading through my mind like copper coins in a “coin waterfall” at an arcade when I was young. For some reason, I remember going to the local corner shop when I was about 5 to buy 10 Woodbines for Mum. And that I could read and play chess before I started school and knocked over a jigsaw on my first day and cried. Jesus, nearly 40 years ago.
I heard a church bell today and instantly thought of my brother. That’ll never stop. In the same way the smell of engineering oil and sugar beet will always make me think of Dad. I can almost hear him laughing now, bless ‘im. Silly old fart. “Less of the ‘old’”, he’d say. Or Mum appearing unexpectedly at a gig I was at with my friends in a pub in town at the age of about 20, buying a round for all of us and asking the band to play “Smoke On The Water”. I’m going to have to tell you about my family one day.
Not now, though. Shall I tell you about listening to Radio Luxembourg (the mighty 208) under the bedclothes? Or about the number of times I’ve cried at weddings? Hopeless romantic. If you’ve read here before, you’ll already know that I like the rain and fog. How appropriate is it, then, that I find myself in a land that shows itself best in the mist, more in love than I ever hoped to be or dreamed that I would be?
Currently listening to “Love’s No friend Of Mine” by Rainbow. That ain’t so. Not anymore.
Sweet dreams, everyone.
I have guilt that several people around me, including the person most dear, appear to have stinking colds of their own. Granted this is the season for that sort of thing but it seems a bit of a coincidence.
There's a school of thought that it's better to get these things and get them out of the way. I'm not 100% sure that I'd subscribe to that but at least whatever it is, it isn't the 'flu.
It's turned remarkably chilly around here in the last couple of days. It was actually almost magical - the last day of October was mild, if a little damp. The first day of November was chilly with a biting wind which made it feel cold enough for snow. There hasn't been any snow, nor any sign of it, just plenty of bitter rain and that persistent lazy wind. So much so that I was moved to go out and buy a warmer coat!
Right, I go to check on someone. Tea or chocolate may be required. Maybe a hug. Maybe just a sympathetic, understanding ear.
I’ve had a stinking cold over the last few days. Fingers crossed it’s not the Swine Flu (nor is it Man Flu!) and I appear to be over the worst of it.
I’m sure that there’s lots I should be saying here but I can’t bring any of it to my fevered mind. I’m a little distracted, you see. I’ve been thinking about an IOU – I just hate to owe people and I have a very important IOU to pay, hopefully very soon.
I don’t want you to think that I’ve forgotten about you all. I’m very excited tonight, though.
I had post waiting for me when I got home from work. It was my first Payslip (not counting emailed slips while working for a temp agency) for 9 years to the month! Appropriately enough, someone picked it up and passed it to me. I say “appropriately enough” as the Payslip is neither the first thing that they’ve picked up off the floor nor the first thing that they’ve given me.
And I have an Electric Blanket so I’m off to bed to be all warm and cosy. Sweet dreams, everyone.
I had every intention of blogging something tonight. However since leaving work I have had the most delightful, magical evening that, now I’m home, I intend to go straight to bed and drift off to sleep with a blissed-out, loved-up smile on my face.
So maybe tomorrow…
There was a beautiful rainbow outside work this evening. A full arch of glowing colours across the sky. It's no exaggeration to say that it actually stopped me in my tracks as I was walking through reception. If anyone was amused (or outraged) that I walked out of the building to look at it for a while then they didn't mention it.
I think that everyone should take more notice of the beauty around them, whether it's in the ochred gold of Autumn's colours, the defiant piping of the first birdsong of the morning or a pair of shining eyes over a happy smile on a pretty face.
There's so much beauty all around us all the time, if only we stop to see it. It saddens me that people become jaded and tired and never notice the simple things.
Try to look at the world anew every day, to see the wonder in everything that shines or flies or swims or walks.
Never let go of that feeling.
It’s wet, wild and windy night in Cork. I can hear the wind howling down the chimney and there are occasional spatters of rain making it down into the grate. The wind is blowing the sheets of rain away from my windows so I didn’t realise how hard it was raining until I just opened the back door to go to the bin. It can wait until tomorrow!
I’m going to do some ironing in a little while and let my mind wander. I may pop back to the laptop and slip a few random thoughts in, then publish the lot before bedtime.
"A baby has survived after his pushchair rolled onto the tracks as a train pulled into a station in Melbourne, Australia.
The train had slowed right down as it pulled into the station and the six-month-old baby suffered only a bump to his head."
BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Baby survives after being run over by train
This is unbelievable! I can still barely bear to watch the footage but thank God this little guy was okay. It’s quite a story to tell his grandchildren I suppose…
So as I’m in training for a few weeks as of tomorrow morning, I should probably be in bed already. I’ve been strangely restless all day, though. Yes, I laid quite late this morning and then nearly dozed off in the armchair late this afternoon but apart from that I’ve had this “creeping anxiety” thing going on.
Not about anything that I can put my finger on, just a vague sense of unease. I don’t like it.
I guess I could write it off as my subconscious getting nervous about the new job but I’m not inclined to do so. You girls don’t have the monopoly on intuition, you know! I think for the next couple of days, at least, I shall keep my eyes and ears open, take care on stairs and when crossing the road and generally keep my sword loose in it’s scabbard. Just in case, y’know?
I have a new coffee table. This is a good thing. It was cheap in Argos but it’s quite nice, sturdy and certainly better to sit my laptop on than a chair. I’ve also got the curtains that I wanted for the alcove in the bedroom. They actually look a little plain now I see them. Tie-dye, maybe. I’ve got a few days to think about it as I didn’t think to buy an electrical extension cable and of course the power lead on my drill doesn’t quite reach the wall.
Okay, this is silly. Bedtime. If I can’t sleep I’ll be back later!
As seen from the bus stop near my place of work. The sky was amazing for about an hour. This is the only photo that came anywhere near to doing it justice.
I was in a rather funny head-space last night, as that stream of consciousness displayed. Tiredness, worry, anger and an unexpected question combined to put me somewhere not terribly fun to be. I’m not a violent man by nature, having inherited my Father’s slow temper. Last night, however, had they been within reach, one person may well have felt the weight of my hand while another would have heard what you might describe as a full and frank expression of my opinion.
Fast forward to here and now. I have a large glass of Tropical Fruit Juice and a pack of Lincoln biscuits rapidly diminishing. I also have a full-time, permanent job, as opposed the temporary agency-based contract I had been working under. Yes, gentle reader, the fear of my contract running out and my struggling has gone. I am under no illusions about the work I’ll be expected to do and have no doubt that I can do it. I’ve struggled to suppress squeals of excitement since about lunchtime.
So on Monday, I’m back into training and ready to soak it up.
And I got to make a cup of tea for my Lady tonight somewhere other than the Works Canteen. Today was a good day.
There was something written about doors and corridors and life by a far wiser man than I. He may have had a point. Opportunities present themselves like unexpected doors around corners. Which of those doors we choose to step through defines where our life will go. Only to certain extent, though. Some doors we may find opened for us by others and we have the choice then to enter or to pass them by. Some doors may be locked and unopenable. Others will be slammed in our faces. Some that we hope to walk through may be quietly and politely closed in our faces. Doors, doors, doors.
Corridors can be eerie things. Uncanny, in a way. Dorothy L. Sayers wrote that it didn’t do to think to closely about cats or bells. Corridors are similar. Passageways to the unknown, for who amongst us can say with certainty exactly what waits around the corner. We all have our hopes and dreams and God knows, I’ve not made a very good job of keeping mine secret. I hope that no-one reading this ever turns a corner to find something unpleasant waiting for them. I hope that I don’t!
Of course, unpleasantness can be a purely subjective term. For example, I would find a very hot, sunny day unpleasant and a cool misty morning delightful. I guess that some people might think that I was kinda weird and it wouldn’t be the first time that’s been levelled at me. I’ve been called worse things before though and undoubtedly will be again.
I have just read something that distracted me somewhat and I’ve realised that it’s later than I thought. So before I have a shower and run shivering to bed, I have three words to leave you with, laden with meaning, allegory and hope for the future.
Bag of sugar.
So yes, let’s talk about Stress Management at work.There are many tools to help one deal with work related stress. Sadly none of these quite prepare one for suddenly being spoken to in a supposedly deserted corridor, late enough in the evening that one wouldn’t expect anyone to be around. Let’s just say that I now have a clearer idea of what the ceiling looks like close up.
People in lower echelons at work places are quite often fairly dismissive of those higher up in the food chain. “Cushy little office job” they might think.
Over the last 15 months or so I’ve had an insight into the way that some people in these “office jobs” work and the pressures that they’re put under.
Once one becomes a salaried employee then “the man” is at you all the time. Clocking in and clocking out may feel like a chain but in reality it is the key that unlocks the chain. You clock out and you’re done. If you’re a salaried employee then you have a series of goals set and you work the required number of hours to try to get those tasks done.
I have watched the effect that this has, sometimes, on someone I know. Early mornings and late nights in darkened meeting rooms, urgently tapping at her laptop, paddling frantically to stay still or even to keep afloat. So many plates spinning on sticks that that just trying to keep track of them all makes her dizzy, never mind the logistics of actually keeping them all spinning.
And yet she’s fantastic at her job. I’m objective enough to recognise someone with a real talent for the “art” involved in what she does. The “admin” part of the job may not be her strong suit but she’s plenty smart enough to deal with it, given a little support. “Support” for people in these kinds of positions isn’t all it could be sometimes, sadly.
Okay, I’m not to blog directly about work; I promised myself that so let’s veer away from the subject. There are lots of crows all around the city.I suppose that they’d creep some people out but they don’t bother me. I’m quite amused by them actually. They’re clearly very intelligent (for birds!) and will cock their heads to one side and fix you you with a very appraising expression. Unless you’ve had a sizeable crow sat about three feet away from you, weighing you up, you really don’t get what I mean. Especially if you have a bag of chips in one hand!
And the swans! There’s a lake called The Lough not far from where I live and I can honestly say that I’ve never seen so many swans together in one place before. I always figured that they were kind of solitary birds that would pair off and then have a defined territory that others weren’t welcome in. Not on The Lough. I’m sure that every pair has their own “turf” but there’s very little conflict that I’ve seen. Harmonious living!
How’s that for a key? Harmonious living. Balancing different aspects of one’s life can be a precarious thing. Work duties and loved ones, offering welcome support and being overpowering like a duvet that’s too heavy for the weather. There’s a tricky middle ground to walk and no-one is going to get it right all the time.
How deep was that lot? Seriously. Also the longest entry there’s been here for some time. All courtesy of a small, pink computer.
The last post was written in the wee small hours of the morning, while I waited for the kettle to boil. Just to clarify, it is in no way a suggestion of “trouble in paradise”, okay? I am very, very happy. Like everyone, I have bad dreams, sometimes.
I had a busy Saturday. During the day a crowd of maybe 9 or 10 of us from work (and a couple of friends) did some decorating at the local residential unit of the Simon Community. From about 10 till 5 we painted and then cleaned up after ourselves. We did a good thing and had a few laffs too.
The evening saw a works outing to the Greyhound Track, which was new experience for me. We were late (rawr!) but not too late to have a couple of drinks and some fun. At least until my more glamorous half got her ear bent at length by a young lady struggling with the Training Process and with her personal circumstances.
Sunday morning was beautiful. Waking up with the sun streaming through the window and making someone’s hair shine like her eyes. The honesty and closeness that we share leaves me very moved, humbled and more than a little awe-struck. “Happy” I said earlier. Doesn’t even come close….
It’s late afternoon and I’m running in a gathering storm. Not a beautiful, dramatic storm, come to freshen the air and cleanse the land but an evil, brooding storm, full of threat and menace.
I must climb the hill. The only shelter that there is is at the top of the hill. The first spatters of a cold, clinging rain lash against my face as the wind’s icy tendrils slip around me but I’m nearly at the top of the hill. Even though it’s now dusk, it doesn’t matter. I’m nearly at the top of the hill and there’s shelter there, under the tree.
No matter how fast I run through over the slippery grass the tree suddenly looks very distant. It can’t be far away surely. It seemed so close. I lower my head and run faster. Fast as I can, almost weeping with the effort and the fear of the storm.
Suddenly, simultaneously, a low rumble of thunder like a convulsion in the Earth shakes me to my soul and lightning flashes. By the corrupt, ghastly light of the storm I see the tree silhouetted. Not safe. Dark, gaunt, reaching toward me with branches as bare and dry as skeletal fingers, cracking and snapping with contempt and loathing……
It’s been a funny week. That’s a good example right there. I know that it’s only Thursday but I worked on Sunday so it feels like Friday. Especially as I’m not at work again until Monday.
It’s been a week of long days with not much opportunity for “personal time”. There’s been the odd delicious moment or two but it’s been mainly a case of being supportive. And I don’t just mean my being supportive – I get at least as much as I give.
I need to finish the covering letter for my application but am too tired tonight. I’ll do it in the morning and have a bus ride out to work late tomorrow morning, hand the stuff in (after printing it off, of course!) and hang around to have lunch. Then it’s back to town for more words with my bank, shopping and housework. I’ve done very little housework in the last few days and need to blitz it again. Actually, I could do with an Au Pair, preferably one with nouse enough to buy sugar when it’s needed.
I had a few vivid images floating around in my brain today but try as I might I couldn’t get them to join together at all. I have them written down and we’ll see if they end up going anywhere.
So I’m off to bed and I don’t have to set my alarm for 5.45. I’ll still set it, just not for that early. Good night all!
I’m almost deliriously happy tonight. I’m still sat here by myself with either the radio or some music on and with rather chilly feet on the lounge floor tiles but I’m happy. It’s kind of giddy, floaty happiness. The laundry can’t dent it, neither can the washing up (because I’m not doing it tonight – ha!) or the thought of an early start in the morning. Sigh.
So what else. I have an application form for a different job but still at the same place that I need to fill in. The major advantage of this would be that’s a permanent post, employed directly through The Company, rather than a temp from an agency. I’ll keep you posted.
I suddenly have loads of plans for the house. The first of these to put into practice must be to contact the landlord and landlady about the “little jobs” that still haven’t been done since I moved in. That may be my job for tomorrow evening, actually, as it’s too late to start that sort of important thing now. Ideally, of course, I’d win the lottery…
Yawn. I had no particular plans to blog tonight but I’m too weary for chess and my book is upstairs, where I will be soon. I’m just passing the time while the washing machine finishes so I can swap the load over before I hit the hay. The spin cycle is too loud anyway.
So that’ll do for me. The end of my Monday. A day of a certain amount of frustration, growling and stress but with large amounts of cuddling, giggling and love to sweeten it all.
Happy dreams, everyone.
It's a cloudy and overcast Sunday in Cork. Not cold and not as gloomy as it looks through the tinted windows of the building.
Considering I'm at work (on lunch break at the moment - which is why I'm typing this), today is going pretty well. It's quiet and fairly relaxed and kind of how a Sunday's overtime should be. I'm working steadily without knocking myself out and am happy with how things are going.
Three and a half hours to go....
Okay, very briefly because I’m tired.
The work night out was good fun. I met some people who were new to me and got to have a few laughs with the people who I’ve now known for nearly 3 months.
So what do you do when someone discovers a secret? It completely depends who it is. Some people will blab it everywhere instantly. Luckily, the person who discovered a secret tonight is the person who, out of all of the team, I would have trusted most with it. She’s a genuinely nice girl whose glee at her discovery was rooted in happiness about what she’d found not in any kind of maliciousness or “ooh I know something!”
No, I wouldn’t have told her but I have no worries at all about her spreading things. None at all.
Goodnight all. My pillow beckons.
Life can be hard sometimes.
That’s not me whining, I don’t necessarily mean “life can be hard for me”. Life can be hard for everyone sometimes. You know the kind of thing – the balls that unexpectedly bounce off a good length and get right through your defences. You’re rushing across a city to make a flight and when you try to buy a ticket for your next connection you find that your credit card is declined. You get home after too-fecking-many hours at work and it’s not until you take your boots off that someone casually mentions that there’s no food in the house and could you possibly put your boots back on and buy some.
Sometimes you’re at your best when these things happen. The ball hits you and stings but you can smile back at the bowler and he knows that you’re not rattled at all. Other times the impact brings tears to your eyes and knocks the wind from your sails completely. Am I allowed to mix cricketing and sailing metaphors? Pshaw! It’s my blog and I’ll do as I please. Mixing metaphors is one of my favourite hobbies. I digress.
What I’m trying to say is that bad stuff happens and sometimes it hurts more than other times. “Misfortunes come in threes” they say but there are times when the third one feels like it’s just the start of another series. At times like this what you need is someone who loves you. Be it a small child who’ll snuggle up to you on the sofa or some who’ll make themselves late back from tea-break to make you a cup of tea and buy you a Snickers bar, hold on to the ones that love you best when life treats you badly. Whether they’re sat next to you or not, when you’re feeling cold and small they’ll make you feel safe and warm.
On a lighter note, I have a full day tomorrow. The morning sees me sitting my Driving Theory Test, assuming I can find the test centre! I haven’t been so anxious since I did the Spreadsheets module in my ECDL. I’m not going to get horribly wound up about it, though. If I fail it, I’ll retake it. It’s not like I could go out and buy a car tomorrow and start driving it when I choose, anyway.
Tomorrow night sees a “Team Night Out” from work. A pub crawl basically. I have to confess to being not over-enthused at the prospect. There are people whom I wouldn’t choose to sit with in the works canteen who are going to be there. Still, I’ll approach it with as open a mind as I can, have a couple of pints and see where we go from there. If I’m enjoying myself, that’s grand. If I’m not I shall just slip away quietly. My days of doing things because other people expect it of me are long gone.
Right, my feet are getting cold now and as I don’t have a bunch of cushions to snuggle into on my sofa, I believe that my cuddly dinosaur and I shall head for bed with a good book.
Sweet dreams, everyone. Especially you and you know who you are.
So I have just over a week until my driving theory test. I’m reasonably confident but intend to keep working for it up to and including Friday night.
This, of course, brings into focus (groan!) the fact that my eyesight doesn’t appear to be what it was. The canteen at work has pool tables and one day a couple of weeks ago I walked in to find that someone had left some balls on the table. I used to be a fair pool player, although I haven’t picked up a cue for years. I thought I’d have a couple of quick pots and was horrified to find that the edges of the balls were a bit blurry. I guess it could be that I was tired but I fear that before I actually get behind the wheel of a car I may have to get my eyes tested.
I’m not sure how I’ll look in glasses, should it come to that. I’ll certainly need some assistance in choosing frames to suit me. I like the idea of contact lenses but can’t see myself being particularly comfortable about putting them in. One of my nervous tics is rubbing at my eyes, which definitely wouldn’t mesh well with contacts.
The thought of being able to drive at last is kinda exciting. It’ll open up a range of possibilities for me that I’ve never had before and take away my reliance on public transport or the goodwill of others for transport. And it’s a good time to be shopping for a car, apparently.
Oooh! Huge, jaw-cracking yawn. Right, I have to be up early to catch a bus so it’s bedtime for me.
Say nighty-night…..
So after two days back at work after my lovely, long weekend, I get a day off. I’m not scheduled to be working Friday or Saturday this month but have to this week to cover the fact that I had Monday off.
Over the weekend we found some wonderful shops, saw some beautiful things, had some huge laughs, some very touching moments and ran into a couple of stressful situations. Such situations can be dealt with, providing one approaches them in the right frame of mind and we coped handsomely!
I’m actually learning to enjoy flying. I’m never going to be the biggest fan of take-off and landing but the bit in the middle is quite fun.
After being a non-smoker for the weekend, I lapsed (again!) on Monday morning having had something of a panic over getting back to Heathrow in time for my flight. I’m faintly disappointed in myself. I’m not really enjoying the smoking any more, it’s just something of a crutch. I think that it’s finally time to cast that crutch away for good and walk. I make no promises about tomorrow, as I still have some in the packet but as of Friday I shall be a non-smoker and intend to stay that way. Largely. On occasions I may fancy a smoke if I’m out and won’t necessarily deny myself but I’m kind of done with it as a habit.
So I’m off to bed and don’t have to get up at a quarter to six in the morning. Yay!
Good night, all. Sweet dreams. Especially you!
So this is interesting.
I'm sat in a hotel in Kensington, London. With a funky little pink netbook at my disposal. I actually won it from my previous mobile provider before I moved out of the UK but haven't been anywhere with a wireless network to connect it to before now. I've downloaded and installed all the patches and updates that it wants me to and it's just about connected to the (slightly flaky) Wi-Fi at the hotel.
My Polly is sat at the dressing table catching up on a little work. It's a shame but I knew when we arranged this weekend away that she'd have to go online to get a little work done. That's cool. She's a busy lady and at least when she's done some work I can take her out to do something to take her mind off work for a while.
I had some rather disturbing news last night, which freaked me out somewhat but I have my head around it now. What can't be changed, must be endured, right?
It's a beautiful day in London and it promises to be a lovely evening in the company of a beautiful, if a slightly stressed lady, at the moment. It may actually be nearly lunchtime so now to see if I can copy and paste this lot into Blogger and get it to publish!
This evening I had my first exposure to the wonders of the Cork International Airport Hotel. Fascinating place and far removed from the usual hotel decor.
It’s something akin to the bastard offspring of the set designer from Airplane and a psychotic surrealist.
Even though there’s no practical need to do so, I may have to spring for a night’s stay there in the near future, just because my head would enjoy it!
It’s typical isn’t it. I agree to work on a Sunday and on my way home, early, on a Saturday night, I get literally dragged into licensed premises (okay, it didn’t take a lot of doing) to find two guys with acoustic guitars playing some quality blues.
I could comfortably have stood there grooving until they locked the doors behind me but a sense of responsibility drove me back onto the road home. I could do with seriously letting my hair down. Not necessarily involving large amounts of alcohol but I feel the need to sing and dance. Co-incidentally I noticed another place in town has a Rolling Stones tribute on tomorrow night but wonderfully, I’m at work early on Monday.
I’ve enjoyed today in a kind of obscure way. Working out of one’s normal hours always has a different feel, unless one is salaried and expected to work all the hours God sends until the work is done. I bought a carry-on suitcase for a trip next weekend that I just can’t wait for, watched Ireland win at football in a pub that positively erupted when their (our!) winning goal went in and then just soaked up the vibe of a relaxed city on Saturday night, coupled with music and playing with friends on Facebook. I’m now back in my own little home and planning bedtime. Life is being as good to me, personally, as it ever has been. And I mean ever.
That’s not me wearing rose-tinted specs of any kind or disrespecting my old friends. Life has stresses and pitfalls and awkward fences. I guess I mean that I’ve never been more ready and able to cope with whatever life throws at me. I am more me than I’ve been for a long, long time.
So it’s been the best part of a week again. I promise to try and update things here a little more regularly, okay?
I tend to try to downplay any talents I may have. This is clearly an unintelligent thing to do. As was once sung - “you must stir it and stump it and blow your own trumpet or trust me you haven’t a chance!”
Bearing this in mind, I’m prepared to admit that I like to think that I have a way with words. Far greater minds and talents than mine have likened the life of a man to the passing of a year. By any stretch of the imagination, I’m no longer a young man. To pick up the Year analogy and run with it as best I can for a while, I never expected, after the grey, stormy and miserable spring I had, to find my midsummer to be so balmy and delightful. Imagine one of those idealised summer evenings that we all remember from our childhood. Things are warm and still. There are flies buzzing lazily by – not annoyingly but charmingly, the light glinting from their armour. The slowly westering sun glints through trees, making the leaves glow with a magical, golden green, their edges like burnished gold. The summer has no harshness to it but rather a tranquil, benevolent warmth, seeping into my bones and my soul, chasing away any trace of lingering damp and banishing the last of the coldness of spring to a place that has no bearing on today. I could never have reached a point where I can close my eyes and bask in this heavenly glow without having endured the winds and gales. I wouldn’t appreciate the tender kiss of the sun’s rays if I hadn’t felt the sting of the frosts.
That’s actually a far cleverer play on words than you may realise!
To cut out the flowery phrases, I’m in my mid-forties and have never been happier. In fact, I’m so happy that an impartial observer may find it faintly nauseating. My humble, giggling apologies. Lighten up!!
Until the next time, which I promise won’t be so long…fare well.
Some things give me a warm glow inside. Trees in the rain or in the evening sunshine. The wag of a dog’s tail. Cats purring. People who both display and appreciate manners. People who are humble about their talents. The beauty of music of all kinds. An unexpected pleasure. The happiness of those I love.
I’m sat here, shortly before bed, with a smile on my face. I had a very enjoyable walk earlier on and then a lovely evening, vicariously. Sometimes just knowing that good things are happening is enough.
I went out to the bin in my yard an hour or so ago. There was a break in clouds so I stood and looked at the stars for a while. Shimmering sequins in the gown of night. But not the prettiest sight I saw today.
It’s Monday morning already, by the clock. Isn’t it funny how time twists around us all? It’s tomorrow morning now, in a way, even though I still haven’t made today into yesterday. I go now to do so. Good night, everyone.
…as in consciousness. Apologies if my uncensored musing offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities. Actually not. If I offend thee, don’t come back.
So. There’s places in this fine city where I can go and feel reasonably comfortable. They are the two “rock pubs” that I’ve found. The thing is, in that kind of establishment, one tends to find power drinkers, “recovering” drug addicts and a general ambience that’s too loud for conversation with people that one doesn’t know well and have an unfamiliar accent. I’ve discovered that it’s possible to feel at home and completely isolated at the same time.
“I feel as though I’m out in the cold..”
Next weekend I have a “Works Do” to look forward to. And I am looking forward to it. Although I’ve found places to hang out and listen to music I like, I am feeling shorn of “normal” conversation sometimes. The little pleasantries that one might exchange with people that one sees day to day. Maybe that’s why I’m actually enjoying going to work again. Seeing people with more than a modicum of intelligence, who aren’t completely out of their brains (what’s left of them), is kind of comforting. Even if the conversation is about issues at work, it is conversation rather than drunken rambling. God knows, it’d be far too easy to slip into that mode. I’ve done it before.
“Oh my God, look what the cat dragged in!”
I’m stronger than that now, though. I can shrug away the little voice that whispers in my ear to tell me that I’m not good enough or that I don’t deserve to be happy. I hope that I can share that strength with someone else. The me that sought solace from the slightest pain in the bubbles floating in a glass is long gone. That’s why I’m sat here at 11.45 on a Saturday night drinking tea, having spent the best part of an hour or so under a tree in the rain by a lake just thinking. Even if I regretted burning any bridges, which I don’t, I have to deal with life as it is. Yes, there will be hard times and bad days. That’s just the way life is. Ultimately, one chooses one’s path and then walks it. Everything we say or do has consequences. All anyone can do is to choose as wisely as they can and then face any repercussions.
“A heart full of sorrow makes a lonely tapestry”
Once, not that long ago, I was exhausted. Every day was too much for me. I came within an ace of doing what is commonly referred to as “something foolish”. I found, or rather, was shown, that I have the capability to go on and make things better than they were. I am not solely responsible for what happened in the past. All I can do is face the coming day and make the best of it that I can. I hope and pray (or would, if had the faith or the right) that I won’t face the future alone. I have found a light that I never dared to believe existed. If I can’t walk in that light every day for the rest of my life, it’s enough for me to know that such a light exists. Not everyone is so lucky. Some people spend their entire lives in the darkness. Not I.
“I need to give, I need to live.
For the world is slowly turning
And the lights of love are burning in my eyes.”
So even though this hasn’t been the most enjoyable night of my life, I’m going to bed with the hope that the morning will be better. Whatever anyone thinks, I deserve that hope as does everyone. This can be a grey and empty world sometimes. The weight of what has gone before can easily drag us away from the promise of a brighter tomorrow. I beg you all never to let yourselves be so jaded that your yesterdays colour what is to come. Sweet dreams, everyone.
Alright then, later today!
I’m acutely aware that it’s been ages since a proper post here. Put it down to the fact that I’ve been re-adjusting to being at work. The whole idea of having to be somewhere at a certain time and stay there until another certain time.
In the eight days training that I had there was a fair amount of information to be crammed into my head. Fortunately, the class was being given by the best trainer I’ve ever seen work so if I do screw up I can’t put it down to poor training! The trainer was, however, working under constraints which made their job very difficult. People doing the same job that I’m doing, for the same company but based in, say, the US, get far longer in training than we have. The pressures of business today, I suppose.
So I’ve had my first pay for nine years! How cool is that? I’m informed, by people who should know and I trust to be honest with me, that I’ve made a good start, even if the first two phone calls I took were nightmarish. I’ve got over the trauma and got on with the job, which I guess is what’s required.
In the time that I’ve been in Cork nearly everyone has been friendly and welcoming. I’ve run across a couple of people who have made me feel less than welcome but I can live with that. Two in, what, nearly six weeks isn’t a bad ratio. I’m seeing more and more of the city when I’m not working and I’m very happy here.
There’s been one thing that’s proven surprisingly difficult. It’s knowing that a certain lady is far, far closer than she was when I lived in the UK. We’ve spent a lot of time together but in the quiet of the night or the still of the day, when she’s not here, I miss her an awful lot. The whole “pretending to be just friends” when we’re around others I can handle. The knowing looks, smiles and winks make it quite fun but sometimes, when we just can’t be together, I miss her terribly and I know that she feels the same. We’ll manage, though. We both knew, when I moved over here, that there would be times that we would have to be apart. The knowledge that I’m going to see her tomorrow, however briefly, and be able to kiss her, however fleetingly, makes it bearable.
I’ve walked some serious miles today. Even though it’s gone eleven at night and I have to be up (giggle) in the morning, I’m not tired. I may put a movie on, I think. Just let me make a cup of tea….
So today was my first day at work for nearly 9 years. It went well. Very well. It was a little strange to be meeting people who knew my face and my name from a friend’s Facebook page but they were clearly amused by it, which allowed me to smile at what might have been an awkward situation.
It was a long day, certainly but that was more down to the early start insisted on by the agency I went through than the the actual training at work, which was interesting, for the most part and very well delivered.
I’m putting it down to not sleeping well last night, the stress of starting a job (a big, big deal for me, at my age!) and possibly walking home in the pouring rain but I got very emotional when I got back home. I don’t mind admitting to shedding a tear or two. It seemed the most important thing in the world to reassure someone of something that was completely unnecessary. The person in question knows precisely what my position is on the matter in question. I can only assume that it all came from the deep well of insecurity that I’ve built up over the years. It may even have been the last , bitter dregs of that well sputtering out like the flame on a noxious candle (he said, casually mixing his metaphors with a careless toss of his hair toward the gallery). I’ve certainly never felt so secure in my personal relationships and my life in general for…I was going to say 20 years but, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think that I’ve ever felt so secure and happy in personal relationships. In fact I know that I haven’t.
So tomorrow get to go to work again. Is it very strange that I’m excited at the prospect?
I’ve had a lovely day today. I just an epiphany and realised why. Yes, the delightful company this afternoon and this evening helped. Yes, it was nice to pop into a bar where I got some gentle ribbing about the fact that I was introduced to them all as Jimmy Page, and then to chat about music with the landlord. These things are not the full reason I’m so happy.
For the last three weeks or so, I’ve not been treated like a fool or like a child who needs constant direction. I’ve spent as much time as possible with someone whom I love very much and who loves me for who I am, and doesn’t seek to correct me at every turn or become confrontational if we disagree. I am getting used to being allowed to be an equal partner in relationships and having my efforts appreciated rather than having the feeling that nothing I do is quite good enough. Rather than being steadily crushed I am being raised up and supported. The support I offer in return is graciously accepted and appreciated. I am being treated, and allowed to be a “grown-up” for the first time in years and I like it. That doesn’t imply any boredom or becoming tired and staid. Indeed, I’ve shared more silly jokes and giggles recently than I have for longer than I care to remember.
My leaving my old life almost certainly hurt people that I would never have wished to hurt. My staying there, however, would have perpetuated a twisted, distorted life and enforced the impression on a young mind that what was seen was normal. I seek no-one’s congratulations or approval on what was and will remain the hardest decision I have ever made in all my years. As with all things, one can only act according to conscience and then live with any consequences. It had to stop and should have stopped years ago. It was only in the last year or so that I was reminded that I had the strength to make it stop and by then there was only one way to do it.
I was at least part of the cause of the darkness back there. Hopefully by walking away from it, it will slowly dissipate and I will not be the only one that finds the light growing around them again. I am what I am and I’ve done what I’ve done. There is no going back. Every step I take is one more on the road to a happiness that I hope my daughters will appreciate and accept one day. If not, it’s not because of what I’ve done but because of the way I did things for so long and allowed at least one of them to assume that was the way of all things. I pray any God that hears me that she will forgive me, not for what I’ve done but for allowing things to go on as they did for so long.
Is it wrong of me to seek happiness? To turn my face into the fresh breeze that blows through my life and let it cleanse me? I think not. Every man has a point at which he says “no more” and I reached mine. My mind is clear for the first time in years, my heart is alive and my soul thrills at the thought of the future. There is one person in all creation whose good opinion I value and cherish – I have it and will do nothing to have it fade.
I have no further public comment to make on this issue, even here. I move forward and hope that everyone can.
I had a really bad night’s sleep last night. I went to bed about half past midnight and fell straight asleep. About an hour later I was awake, after the strangest dream. Unusually, I remembered it and still can. I was sat by the side of a pool with a dog. Not a dog familiar to me. Very deliberately it walked into the pool, the level of which then started to go up until it completely covered the dog’s head. I reached in and pulled the dog out by his collar, to find that he had a box in his mouth. I opened the box. Inside it was a mobile phone, the screen of which broke as I looked at it.
I’m not seeking any kind of interpretation of this. I just mention it as it’s very rare for me to remember dreams at all.
Anyway that was me awake for a few hours. The dawn chorus started at 4.47 precisely. I dozed a little after that but was fully awake again by 6.30. I had rather a dip about half past 10 this morning but I’m wide awake again now. I think I shall brush up again on a certain website’s help pages and then go for a walk, crossing as few roads as possible. I believe I shall complain to the Bank of Ireland, about their CSA to whom I spoke yesterday. This will be cheaper done from a public call box rather than my mobile, which means a walk towards the city centre. That’s fine – I want to drop into another couple of banks and look into savings accounts. I won the princely sum of €28 on last Friday’s Euromillions Lottery and rather than see it frittered away, I’d like to see it as the start of saving for the future. I must remember tickets for tonight’s draw.
Up until about 3 o’clock this afternoon, today was a spectacularly good day. I had an unexpected visitor who brought light and laughter into my day, where I hadn’t expected it. This afternoon, from a purely selfish point of view, two phone calls went badly. Oh, and I must learn to rethink the art of crossing roads.
So, a big thumbs down to customer service at the Bank of Ireland. I understand completely that they would send out PIN numbers for people to access their accounts by phone or online and then require customers to ring to validate the numbers. Problems may arise if said numbers are obscured by a peel-off strip which, when peeled off, leaves the numbers (I think there were 4 digits but can’t be sure – that’s how bad it was) illegible. I was asked for the first, second and fourth digits of the number and got them wrong. If I’d got them wrong, then why is it an issue if I read out the number in it’s entirety, having already been told that what I’m reading the numbers as is wrong? And why exactly is it a source of amusement for their operator that they then have to send me out a new PIN? And who told them that it was acceptable for Customer Service Agents to show amusement at a customer having difficulty with their processes? If I could face the hassle, I’d close the fecking account and go elsewhere.
The second phone call that went badly is entirely my own fault and I hope that one day it’ll be forgiven, if not forgotten.
After a close shave the other day, I’ve been very careful in crossing roads. If a pedestrian crossing is available I’ve been using it, pressing the button and waiting for the green man, no matter what traffic is in sight. This afternoon I went to cross a three-lane road, with the lights in my favour. Surely it doesn’t expect too much of motorists that they should stop at a red light. It was clearly asking too much of one woman who screeched to a halt on the crossing (NB – not before the crossing, on the crossing) and would have hit me, had I not leapt back. She mouthed “sorry” through her window and drove off, still with the lights against her! My faith was bolstered somewhat by a young lady in the next lane winding down her window and asking me if I was alright. Bless her, she was chalk white. It may have been closer than I realised.
So, notes to self. Think, look and look again before crossing roads, no matter what array of lights are showing. And for pity’s sake think about what you’re saying on the phone!
I had never heard of this guy before today. What a talent! I'm a firm believer in there being only so much one can do with a musical instrument through practice. This man had a natural gift for it. Frighteningly good!
Just a few things, with no particular common thread…
There’s a cliché picture of your average Irish person as being very laid back and relaxed. Billy Connolly refers to the Irish as “white black people”! This relaxed attitude certainly extends to the use of indicators whilst driving. It makes for an “interesting” experience whilst crossing roads. One has to look at the driver, rather than the indicators and try to guess whether they look like they’re about to make a turn or not. Loadsa fun!
I’ve discovered that while an Englishman may deposit money into a bank, over here one lodges funds. I haven’t put my foot in it too badly at all, I don’t think.
It’s a little strange. I have never before lived by myself. I was still living at home with Mum and Dad, at the age of 27, when I married. I’ve now been in Cork for a little under two weeks and for most of that time I’ve had the place to myself. The internet and radio (often both together – I miss BBC radio and Planet Rock!) make things liveable when I’m at home and without company. I don’t have a television and am in no real hurry to get one. I doubt that your average free-to-view Irish channel holds a lot more to interest me than the British ones. Occasionally, just occasionally, I miss having one. A television in itself is no great outlay but then I’d have to look at either Sky or Cable and I’m acutely conscious that I’m not actually bringing any money in at the moment. It’s not an issue currently but I came over here with a finite amount of money and there are more important things than television. Anyway, I don’t need T.V. when I got T. Rex!
I rather think that I might do the tourist thing properly over the next few days, so that once I do start work (fingers crossed) I don’t have distractions. Then again, I could write the letters and make the phone calls that I’ve been desperately trying to ignore. There are certain people who ought to know where I am, I suppose. And I don’t necessarily mean my daughter or (soon to be) ex-wife. I’ll keep the channels of communication open for my Elder daughter but it really doesn’t surprise me that she’s not answering me. Hopefully she’ll forgive me one day. I did what I did with my eyes wide open and fully aware of possible consequences, though.
On a lighter note, it’s nice to be living somewhere with a open grate. On nights when it’s just a little cool, a small fire is warming and cheering. Once winter sets in, I’m sure that I can remember how to bank up a fire to warm the whole house.
For now, boys and girls, I shall finish this glass of wine that was left in a bottle and I shall repair to bed. I must remember to blow out the scented candle. On the subject of scents, isn’t it strange how some perfumes linger….?
Good night, one and all. Sweet dreams.
I don’t seem to be able to connect to the internet for more than about 30 seconds at a time for some reason tonight. One of the benefits of using a desktop blogging client is that I can write this post offline and then cross my fingers that my connection will hold for long enough to send it to blogger. Here’s hoping….
As I have no other internet related thingies going on to distract me, this may be a longer post than usual. Assuming, that is, that it ever makes it as far as my blog!
I ran into something of language barrier on Friday. I knew that the Euromillions lottery had rolled over and went to buy a couple of tickets. In the UK one can ask for numbers for the lottery to be picked at random. This is called a “lucky dip”. I know now that in Ireland if one asks for a Lucky Dip one will be given a sherbet sweetie. Over here the random generation of numbers is called “quick picks”. We live and learn.
I met my landlady for the first time this evening. She came round with 3 lamps for me. Very kind of her. They’re sat at the back of an alcove in the bedroom.
While I was to and fro this morning, picking up milk and bread and the like, I kept running a gentleman walking a Golden Retriever. It’s probably very, very wrong of me but what I miss most about being in Lynn is the two dogs. I hope that they’re not sat staring forlornly down the hall of the house, waiting for me to walk back through the door.
If they are waiting for to walk back through the door, then they’re waiting in vain. Even if I wanted to take it all back, which I don’t, I don’t think I’d be allowed to. I was meant to be taking my Elder Daughter and a friend to see Lady GaGa in London on Tuesday next week. Before I left, I told her that I still would, if she wanted me to. I’m assuming that she doesn’t as any texts that I’ve sent her have gone unanswered. I messaged her through Facebook this morning and there’s been no response to that either. I summoned up the courage to ring the house landline this evening and there was no answer to that. Maybe I should try from a phone box so they don’t recognise the number….I think I may be persona non grata and I can’t honestly say that I blame her. No whining here, though. I went into this with my eyes wide open and knew what I had to lose, possibly.
I may as well fess up to having had “a moment” yesterday when I got back from the city absolutely soaked. I could only have been wetter had I jumped in the river. I didn’t expect to find an indoor paddling pool where the rain had got in the roof, run down the water tank and dripped through the lounge ceiling. I stood and goggled at it for few seconds, swore profusely and then burst into tears. It was over quickly and I pulled myself together to get it sorted out. It just kind of blindsided me for a while.
I had lots of good intentions for tonight. I wasn’t going to waste the evening messing about on Facebook or playing chess. I was going to access my CV, which is stored online and make sure that it was up to date and reasonably well presented, then save a copy to a memory stick so that I could get it printed out somehow, not having a printer. That, of course, has gone completely up the river as I can’t get online to anything. So I’m going to go and curl up in my bed, cuddle a small soft toy that I have with me and try to get some sleep.
Good night, all.
