I’ve left it far too late to write much here. Chucking it down with rain most of the day and it’s supposed to freeze tonight. That’ll be fun in the morning! Which, incidentally, isn’t that far away.
I promise to come up with more tomorrow than a couple of sentences about how late it is and how I don’t have time to blog, okay? Especially as it’ll be my last entry for 2009!
Roll up for the End Of The Year show…
After the shock of last night when I was convinced for a little while that my laptop had died, I’m happy to report (quietly, though, and although I’m not superstitious can everyone touch wood as they read this) that it seems to be humming happily to itself again.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I was horrified at the prospect of it being FUBAR’ed and felt a little like this…
I guess I’d have managed without it. I’d have had no choice, really but it brought it home to me how much I rely on it. Besides the internet access it’s a radio, a DVD player, a photo album, a back-up of all my music and just generally a window on the world for times that I’m alone. And, mercifully, it appears to be working now!
So for tonight I’m not even approaching the profound or the meaningful. I’m just giving thanks that I’m here at all. And that my will-power held this morning when I was offered a cigarette by a well-meaning colleague at work. Was I tempted? For a second yes I was. Only for a second though. I realised that although the thought of having a smoke was kinda nice, I didn’t really want one. This is an important realisation. I guess I could now be described as a recovering addict rather than just an addict. I wouldn’t like to be without one of these, though…
I know that they look a little naff. In fact they look like one has a mini-tampon in one’s mouth, which is classy. A nice lady in a pharmacy gave me a pair of black ones which are at least a little less uncool than the white ones. They provide the hit of nicotine should the craving get uncontrollable and satisfy the habit of “hand to mouth” which is such a big part of smoking.
Speaking of hands, I have something of a rash at the moment. I don’t think it’s my old stress-related thing, it looks more like some kind of contact dermatitis. Maddeningly itchy it is, so I’m hoping it fades very quickly.
Right – today my shower was finally fixed so I’m off to stand under running hot water before bedtime. Sweet dreams, everyone.
Normal service may be resumed if I can get my laptop to run for more than 5 minutes without crashing. This is sent from my phone.
Obviously this cuts most of my access to Facebook, email and music.
I think that was the sound of a door slamming.
It’s getting late and I don’t believe I shall be out of bed for much longer. It’s not as cold outside as it has been for the last few nights and I don’t believe that there’s a frost. At least there wasn’t the last time that I looked and I can’t honestly be bothered to get up and look specifically to check.
I typed the word “believe” in each of the first two sentences tonight and got it wrong both times. As I did in the sentence previous to this one. Does this mean I’m having problems with belief?
So WTF am I doing awake at this time of the morning? Nothing really. Just been hanging out online, passing the time.
It’s now even later and no I haven’t yet been to sleep. I’ve been “chatting” with my favourite lady and then just laid here in the dark, thinking. And getting hungry apparently. “Hungry” must be dealt with so I just padded down to the kitchen for some kind of snack. Snack is now consumed and I’m about to try to get some sleep with loads buzzing around in my head.
Mercifully, I’ve got a day off work tomorrow. I also have a horrible feeling that I might not be very coherent for much longer so I’ll sign off and maybe be back in the morning.
I need some kind of a title for this post, too. I can’t think of anything brilliantly witty to call it so I’m going to pluck a word from the ether at random and drop it in as the post title.
Laters
As the forecast for tonight is between –4 and –7C, I think the word “bleak” is permissible. Sudden, too. I was walking home at about half past five this evening and it was slightly frosty. An hour and a half later and there was thick ice on the pavements! Scary.
Funny day today. Yesterday there was a definite Christmas buzz around, even work felt Christmassy. Today, not so much. There’s been a subdued air about and I don’t know why.
In the hunt for a little Christmas spirit to match my own (which had become sorely tried over the course of the day) I set out with the intention of finding a Church service tonight. I envisaged warmth and light and singing and families and just generally Christmas. What I found was a Cathedral with the gates securely locked. I’d been told that there was a church about 30 minutes walk away that was nice so I set off for that, not quite realising how slippery the pavements were. No, I didn’t fall over but I had to moderate my speed a fair bit, with the result that their service had started when I got there. At least I think it had.
I’d kind of expected that a church on Christmas Eve would be full of light and voices whereas this one had the lights turned on but seemed quiet apart from that. I noticed a handful of people outside the door and asked as politely as I could whether or not the service had started. I wasn’t really expecting the answer I got. I don’t intend to quote it word for word here as this is a family show but suffice to say it referred to my nationality and compared me to an area of the female anatomy as well as enquiring why I was interested. I left.
It’s no big deal – I’ve been called worse. I was slightly saddened that it happened on a church doorstep on Christmas Eve, though. It kind of killed off my desire for company as well, so I made my careful way back home and put the radio on. I’m now sat here very early on Christmas morning listening to Carols. As much as I’d like to linger here a while longer, with the sweet sounds of the choir ringing out, some of us are at work in the morning…
Merry Christmas, everyone.
So, very quickly before I start work.
I knew it had snowed last night out where my Lady lives because she told me so. There wasn't a single flake in the city, though. I got up this morning to see no sign of frosty sparkles by the streetlights. It wasn't until I got more than half-way down to the city centre to catch my bus that I saw any signs of a freeze at all. The were occasional glistens on cars that had been parked overnight but the pavements were clear.
I don't tend to pay much attention out of the bus windows any more - I've seen the view from the main road enough to know that it's there and to be aware of any mornings when it might look particularly spectacular. To be honest, it's still dark when I'm travelling in and I can't see much anyway. It wasn't until I got off the bus at the airport that I noticed the ground was white.
"Sharp frost out here!" thought I. This wouldn't have been impossible as the airport and the business park have their very own weather systems going on, being on the top of a hill.
But no, it was snow. A good few inches of it, too. So this morning, I walked to work from the airport following rabbit tracks in the snow by the tangerine sparkle of the streetlights. Slightly surreal. No more so than working on Christmas Day, though.
Laters, people.
It’s Christmas Eve eve. As my shower isn’t working I’m waiting for water to boil so I can wash my hair and have a quick wash down.
It’s very cold here currently. I just heard a weather forecast on the radio which suggested a drop to –7C tonight, so I’ll have to take care walking down for the bus in the morning. It may be a little slippy underfoot. I actually slipped over earlier this evening. Polly and I were in the car when she noticed a lady picking herself up off the pavement. Polly pulled in and I got out of the car to go and see if the lady was alright. I hadn’t planned to be going base over apex myself, on a sheet of sheer ice. Apparently it was a complete slapstick fall, with my legs flying right up in the air. I was fine, luckily, as was the lady who’d fallen.
I mentioned the other day that I’d be guiding you to the greatest invention ever. A very pretty girl very nearly guessed right when she said “electric blanket”. I was actually surprised that she didn’t get it right as I’d been waxing lyrical about this very item earlier that evening. I meant these:
which are just the best idea ever! No more getting a handful of dog slobber when one picks up a tennis ball. Just a flick of the wrist and the ball goes sailing away. A certain dog I met a couple of days ago loves it, as does his little friend.
It’s been ages since I had to wash my hair over a sink! That was a flash-back. The shower was FUBAR’ed when I got home from work on Saturday. It’s been replaced but the pipe taking water to it is outside the house and is frozen, apparently. We’ll see if the new one works when this cold snap ends. I actually have my doubts.
Bed for me. Goodnight all.
“At Christmas you tell the truth” someone once said. Telling the truth isn’t that hard if one picks and chooses the times. It’s even fairly easy to get by with “not lying” and just finessing what one says sufficiently to hide what’s really going on. Occasionally an outright lie may be called for.
If it’s someone who doesn’t know you well enough to detect the deception, then I suppose that’s all well and good. God knows I’ve done it. If it’s someone that knows you, really knows you, then they’re likely to know that they’re not being told the whole truth. They may choose to let it go, thinking that you have your reasons.
The hard part comes when someone one has sworn never to lie to, and who knows one well enough to detect a falsehood, asks a question the honest answer to which may hurt them.
I faced that today and told the truth. The truth is that life is hard sometimes. Having said that, I can expand on it.
Yes, I get lonely sometimes when the house is cold, empty and quiet. I struggle sometimes at work and feel an ache in my heart whenever anyone walks past me with a dog. I will never forget the look on my Elder Daughter’s face when I left and I’m sorry for the pain I caused other members of my family.
I wouldn’t undo any of it, though. Life is hard and not as long as we’d like. Since July I have had days the bliss and contentment of which far outweigh any darkness lurking. I have found that which I was always looking for, my heart’s ease and my constant joy.
That sounds a little “cheesy” even to me! Sorry, everyone.
It’s true though. If someday I may be called to account and asked to pay for what I’ve done, then so be it. Any choice, other than the one I made, would have left my heart and soul cold and dead within me. I chose life and light, laughing in the rain, kissing in the mist and the smartest, most delightful, witty, caring, beautiful woman that ever lived. I am hers for this life and beyond and she knows it. She is my dream, my hope, my inspiration and my spur. She’s my darlin’ girl and my Lady.
She’s probably embarrassed now, too! Back to more prosaic things, next post. Broken showers, payslips and the greatest invention ever…well…invented. And I don’t mean the wheel. Nor Jaffa Cakes!
I have lots that I’d like to say here but I’ve left it too late and am too cold, so it’ll have to wait for a slightly less chilly time. Maybe tomorrow.
It was seriously frosty here last night. While my lovely Lady was out in the car about 11 pm it was freezing. I don’t imagine that it got any warmer between then and morning so I’m very,very grateful that she got up far earlier than she needed to in order to drive me to work.
Back to bus travel in the morning though, as she’s in Dublin this evening enjoying Eddie Izzard. I, clearly, am not jealous in the slightest.
I actually don’t mind the bus journeys. I’ve managed to find a way of getting in and out of work that costs about half of what Bus Eireann would charge me, which is good. The journey in in the mornings gives me a chance to doze with my iPod on and the journey back into town in the afternoon gives me a chance to just…unwind. Of course, I’m quite happy to ditch the bus for the chance of a lift with my darlin’ girl.
My Christmas decorations are all up. I may even honour you all with a picture in a couple of days. Or I might not. Depends. I really ought to wrap Christmas pressies, write cards and post what needs posting.
I also ought to be getting to sleep. Night, everyone. Who knows, I may even dream of an unexpected trip overseas that’s been suggested for next year. How cool would that be?
It’s been a few days since I got around to posting. Sorry guys. It’s easy to get into the habit of blogging every day but just as easy to get out of the habit.
Since I was last here I’ve been to see the rather wonderful Joe Bonamassa play live and have bought tickets for Deep Purple next June. It’s so good to have been to a gig again.
What else? I’ve bought some more Christmas decorations and am slowly getting them put up bit by bit. I blitzed the housework a few days ago which felt pretty good so maybe I should approach the decorations in the same way – pitch into them and not stop or get distracted until they’re done.
I’m still a cigarette-free zone although I had a rather major wobble this afternoon in town and very nearly asked a complete stranger for a smoke! The will-power just held though and the craving passed. Or “faded” rather than “passed”. I’d still like one but don’t want one, if you get my drift. I rather think that this might be a battle I have to fight for the rest of my life.
On the subject of “the rest of my life”, it’s surprising how little time it takes for me to miss my Lady when we’re not together. My hand feels cold and empty without hers in it, without her shoulder to hug or her hair to stroke. Even the house seems warmer when she’s here or maybe that’s just the warmth she brings to my heart.
It’s late. I have “stuff” I want to get done tomorrow so I’m off to bed. Sweet dreams, everyone. Especially you…
It's a rainy, chilly Monday morning and I've already been at work for half an hour. I actually start in 15 minutes.
"So what's your point?", I hear you ask.
Just this - I'm happy. I have a home, a job and I'm very much in love.
I wanted to tell you all that. I want to tell everyone that! As if it's not obvious when they look at me.
I must stop the whole “dropping off in the armchair when I get home”. All it does is put the times that I get things done back, like tonight. I’d planned to have an earlier night but here I sit wrapped in towels, only just out of the shower.
That’s the best case scenario. Yesterday was awful. I dropped off about 6 in the evening, I guess and woken with a start about an hour later. Seeing the time was nearly 7, I jumped up in a panic, convinced that it was 7 a.m. and I was late for work. Not good.
I actually deleted a post from last night as being unnecessarily negative.
I had a night out and a few games of pool. End of.
I wish I hadn't got my shifts muddled up though. I was in work well before 7 yesterday morning, as usual, and didn't realise until nearly 8 that it was my day off and I wasn't supposed to be in. Back home and back to bed went I.
Would it be alright if I did the same thing today? Rather tired here, actually.
I didn’t mean nor want to be up this late. Believe it or not I got involved in some housework and didn’t realise how late it was getting.
I’m sat here now, having a last drink before bed. Still off the smokes and increasingly determined to stay that way.
I don’t know why I’m posting at all – I don’t really have anything to say. I burned my finger tonight but that’s hardly newsworthy. It’s not going to bring civilisation crumbling into ruin, is it? I’d hate for my finger to be blamed for the end of the world as we know it. Mind you, if we were facing a global crisis that could be directly attributed to me, I’d just arrange for someone to do the Robot Dance to distract everyone else while I made good my escape.
And on that note, I climb the stairs…
It’s been a few days. I’d kind of fallen into the habit of posting something here every evening. I don’t know why I’ve missed a few days. I’ve had nothing particular that I care to say but that doesn’t usually stop me!
One thing that is probably worth mentioning is that I haven’t had a cigarette since November 30th. That’s now three full days. I must admit, though, if I could’ve bought just one somewhere tonight…
So what else? The usual kind of thing – work, worry about some things and deep contentment with others. Just your normal kind of a life really.
There was a very cold snap in the weather here a few days ago, to the extent that I went out and bought hat and gloves and a pair of boots with rather more grip on them than my others. The walk from here to the bus-stop at silly o’clock in the morning is down a rather steep hill. I don’t relish that walk if the pavements are slippery.
I decorated my desk at work today. Just a little tinsel and a very mini-tree but it looks quite festive. This is remarkable, especially when added to the fact that I’ve now got a Christmas Tree up in the house too. I’m unrecognisable from the guy who grumbled and bitched his way through Christmas 2007.
So I suppose I should draw a line under today. I think that tomorrow is Friday, so I’ve got two days left before I get a day off. I lose track of what day it is so easily now. It must be my age (before anyone else says it!) I guess.
Okay, I’m off to bed as soon as I can get my internet connection to hold long enough to post this. Sweet dreams.
