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Monday, May 16, 2011

Not going there

It's been a Goddamned funny day. I woke up feeling convinced that something had happened while I was sleeping that I ought to know about. And I don't just mean that students had pushed next door's bin over or something like that. I was certain, from the second I opened my eyes that something of import had occurred. So much so that before my eyes were even properly clear I was scanning my usual news websites to find out what it was.

Nothing apparent. Yes, there's bloodshed in the Middle-East and financiers being charged with sex-crimes but I wouldn't expect either of these things to seep into my sub-conscious while I'm sleeping. I eventually got up, showered and went out for brunch with friends, still with something nagging at my mind. As an aside, can I say that the brunch was highly enjoyable - good food, good people and it could probably only have been improved if my Pretty Lady had been able to make it.

The people at the brunch know me as a fairly quiet guy so they may not even have noticed that I was a little preoccupied. I was able to push it one side for most of the time I was in company but after I'd kindly been given a lift home it flooded back. I couldn't settle in the house doing anything. I couldn't watch TV, listen to music, read or even attempt to do any work. I tried going for a walk in the hope that the wind in my face and spring flowers in my eyes might help but it was no good. The wind annoyed me and the flowers didn't seem to have their usual lustre.

So I've spent the evening doing what I usually do, but to the unexplained accompaniment of glasses sliding on the draining board, the wood of the bedroom floor feeling strange under my feet and something like an itch that I can't scratch worriting at me.

It's fine, though, Grand, even. It's nearly summertime and they do special discounts on travel to Crazy. It won't cost me an arm and a leg to lose my mind!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Here and now

I'm very, very lucky. In the eyes of one glorious woman, I'm a remarkable man.

As far as the rest of creation is concerned, I'm wholly unremarkable. I'm just a man. I'm good at some things, not so good at others and downright crap at some.

I'm not bad with words occasionally. It often takes me time to think of the order that they should go in though, which is why I'm better with the written word than the spoken one. And I'm good at being alone. I can watch TV, listen to music, amuse myself, talk to to plants, soft toys and myself.

I'm not good at being lonely, though. It'll pass. I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be all right again. It's not long until Monday and I might even see some friends over the weekend. But here, here and now, I'm lonely. I have a pillow to hug.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Back in the habit

A very beautiful lady pointed out that I haven't blogged for an awful long time. I just checked and it was April 24th. Wow, time flies!

This hasn't been a conscious decision. There've been a couple of times since then when I've meant to post something but I've just never seemed to get around to it. I think I've been missing a bit of "zing" recently. If you'll pardon the cliché, my get up and go got up and went. And it's probably too late tonight to try to get it back.

But I'm getting back into the habit.