I don’t seem to be able to connect to the internet for more than about 30 seconds at a time for some reason tonight. One of the benefits of using a desktop blogging client is that I can write this post offline and then cross my fingers that my connection will hold for long enough to send it to blogger. Here’s hoping….
As I have no other internet related thingies going on to distract me, this may be a longer post than usual. Assuming, that is, that it ever makes it as far as my blog!
I ran into something of language barrier on Friday. I knew that the Euromillions lottery had rolled over and went to buy a couple of tickets. In the UK one can ask for numbers for the lottery to be picked at random. This is called a “lucky dip”. I know now that in Ireland if one asks for a Lucky Dip one will be given a sherbet sweetie. Over here the random generation of numbers is called “quick picks”. We live and learn.
I met my landlady for the first time this evening. She came round with 3 lamps for me. Very kind of her. They’re sat at the back of an alcove in the bedroom.
While I was to and fro this morning, picking up milk and bread and the like, I kept running a gentleman walking a Golden Retriever. It’s probably very, very wrong of me but what I miss most about being in Lynn is the two dogs. I hope that they’re not sat staring forlornly down the hall of the house, waiting for me to walk back through the door.
If they are waiting for to walk back through the door, then they’re waiting in vain. Even if I wanted to take it all back, which I don’t, I don’t think I’d be allowed to. I was meant to be taking my Elder Daughter and a friend to see Lady GaGa in London on Tuesday next week. Before I left, I told her that I still would, if she wanted me to. I’m assuming that she doesn’t as any texts that I’ve sent her have gone unanswered. I messaged her through Facebook this morning and there’s been no response to that either. I summoned up the courage to ring the house landline this evening and there was no answer to that. Maybe I should try from a phone box so they don’t recognise the number….I think I may be persona non grata and I can’t honestly say that I blame her. No whining here, though. I went into this with my eyes wide open and knew what I had to lose, possibly.
I may as well fess up to having had “a moment” yesterday when I got back from the city absolutely soaked. I could only have been wetter had I jumped in the river. I didn’t expect to find an indoor paddling pool where the rain had got in the roof, run down the water tank and dripped through the lounge ceiling. I stood and goggled at it for few seconds, swore profusely and then burst into tears. It was over quickly and I pulled myself together to get it sorted out. It just kind of blindsided me for a while.
I had lots of good intentions for tonight. I wasn’t going to waste the evening messing about on Facebook or playing chess. I was going to access my CV, which is stored online and make sure that it was up to date and reasonably well presented, then save a copy to a memory stick so that I could get it printed out somehow, not having a printer. That, of course, has gone completely up the river as I can’t get online to anything. So I’m going to go and curl up in my bed, cuddle a small soft toy that I have with me and try to get some sleep.
Good night, all.
6 comments:
you'll have these moments, dear Greg
the trick is to realise that they are only moments. . . they will pass - don't let them suck you down
and the people who truly love you will "forgive" you, and come to love you again
they may be fewer in number, but the love will be true
and that has to be a good thing
as for rain, leaks, drips, damp - water dries up! so do tears
don't be afraid to cry
those moments will pass: it's kind of like a rainbow - doesn't happen without the H2O
it's taken me two years to get to the better place I wanted to be - I have far far fewer friends to witness that I'm happier; I have a lot less in my life than I'd expected
I'm content in a different way than I expected
two years seems like a long time, but I did it in those minute by minute chunks, sometimes hour by hour - rarely day by day
you'll get to that even keep, when you're ready
right now, don't be afraid of riding the swells - for every down there will be an up
your daughter will be going thru her own grieving process, won't she
but she'll always be your daughter
I hope I haven't said too much and that this morning finds you brighter than last night
much love
(that was supposed ro read "even keel"!! like a boat in a storm)
I've been grieving for your daughter since you started hinting that you were planning to leave. I'm sorry for her loss and I know it hurts you immensely that you have hurt her. There are no winners in this situation - but you were in a situation that was damaging and destructive to you all and you had to leave. I don't think a young girl, who has known nothing else since she was a small child, can have any clue what you have coped with all these years - I wonder if she's looking forward to leaving school and moving on herself? She'll come round in time.
ILYV is right, and she knows more than most of us.
I think it has all been said by the previous comments. ditto.
Hugs hugs and more hugs....
That's the bit I don't get, about the elder daughter. She's not that old to be left carrying the can for the family back home, is she? Or am I missing a big bit of the story?
I'll save the "congrats" until I understand that bit a bit more. I may be really REALLY out of touch with what's gone on, and if so I apologise profusely. It's just I can't imagine abandoning my kid, for anything, and that what it seems you've done.
Becky - that's a whole new post, not a reply here. Read me again tomorrow and then decide for yourself whether congrats are in order or whether I'm guilty of one of the worst things a parent can do.
Post a Comment