Poorly

I've not felt well at all today. I woke up with a headache that is only now beginning to fade slightly, I've been nauseous, dizzy and just generally bleugh!It's felt like a raging hangover but I promise you not a drop has passed my lips for ages. Weeks, if I remember rightly.

I've also been looking at photographs from a year ago. There'll come a day when I can maybe post some of them here, but not yet.

It would have been nice to have felt a little better on my day off but these things can't be helped. Of more concern to me is the state of health of my laptop. I'm writing this on my small, pink netbook as the laptop is having serious issues tonight. I don't want to have to be trying to find money to get it looked at but there's only so much I can do with this little pink beauty. The trouble is that my laptop is my single biggest support, apart from Polly. It's a radio, a DVD player, my link to my friends in the outside world. It's been suggested that it's an issue with the fan, causing it to shut down to avoid overheating. I may have to pool opinions on a good computer repairer in Cork and see whether I can get a quote for having it looked at. Gah!

So I'm sat here with a packet of custard creams and a glass of juice, wondering how late I can get away with staying up so I've done something with my day rather than mope around. Not much longer probably. Sweet dreams everyone.

Can’t think of a title…

It’s been a pretty good couple of days. I’ve had the opportunity to listen to an awful lot of music and had a fairly relaxing time at work while getting a lot done.

Isn’t it nice when you meet people in the flesh for the first time and they’re as pleasant as you hope? There’ve been a crowd from a site that the company has in Europe over this week. Polly and I had the opportunity to go for a coffee with a young lady who I’d chatted with over the internet and very briefly over the phone. Charming girl. Even if she did make me jump like hell the first time we met!

The reason I’m thinking of the first time I’ve met people is that January 16th is a certain anniversary. A day when, stood in a hotel lobby, I turned around and saw my future.

It’s completely hurling it down with rain outside. The change in the last few days is startling. From snow, to serious frosts (including one rather hairy walk in the morning. The airport, where I get of the bus is about 10 minutes walk to/from work. It took me nearly half an hour one morning, due to black ice everywhere. I wondered at one point if I might have to sit down and wait for it to thaw – it was that hard to walk on!) to almost torrential rain and high winds. And the temperature has been up in double figures tonight. Outrageous.

I have a day off tomorrow. I have no plans, beyond a little food shopping. Roll on payday!

You won’t feel the steel…

…until it’s hanging out your back.

Labouring this point isn’t going to do anyone any good but…be careful what you put your name to online. Someone very, very dear to me has been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust and is now having an online posting used against them in their place of work.

It’s probably a good thing that I’m not 100% certain who it was. It’s definitely a good thing that I’m not 100% certain who it was. At the moment.

Relatively early

Before it gets too late tonight…

Firstly, there’s something that I intend not to address beyond the rather cryptic “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. Play the game!

So okay, yes, snow. I got down into the city and the buses were running. All good there. My  lovely Lady braved the roads and made it work after what’s usually about a 40 minute drive, taking it easy, turned into a 2 hour one due to the weather. While the city is thawing the countryside out where she lives isn’t and is in the grip of freezing fog. Much as I’d like to see her tomorrow I’d be happier if she didn’t try it again until the roads have cleared a little.

My cash-flow problem should ease a little in the near future. I remembered that there’s another €50 in a savings accounts, that’ll go a long way to next payday and keep me online as well!

I get easily distracted by books, music, my mobile and snacking. It’s now late! Sweet dreams.

Coupla things…

Not much to say tonight. It’s cold and it snowed. I’m reliably informed (Facebook!) that there’s a thaw going on in the city centre.

This is what one might term a “double-edged sword”. Yes, if it thaws then I’ll be able to get in comfortably, as will Polly on her first day back. We kind of had visions of her becoming “stranded” in the city, “not being able” to get home and “having to stay over at a friend’s”. Ah well.

There’s something restful about snowfall. I went and wandered around in it for a while at break today. It seems to muffle a lot of sound and produce a feeling of stillness, unless it’s a complete blizzard, of course.

I wish I had some biscuits.

I wish I had some ice-cream too.

I have cramp in my foot and my pillow is calling. Goodnight everyone.

Hey Jude

There’s snow on the way apparently. I just got up and had a peer out of the window but no, it’s not here yet. There’s the very sharp frost that I’m kinda getting used to but no sign of the snow yet.

I know that most of the UK has has a swathe of snow and much of the northern part of Ireland has too, I hear. It’s coming. It could make for some fun and games getting to work. I have a walk of about 20 minutes (depending on how icy the pavements are) to get to the bus stop I need and then about a 20 minute ride to the business park. There’s been morning when very few of us have made it in. The roads around here have been so icy for so long that some of them are next to impassable. A few inches of snow on top of that is going to be great fun.

Of course, every cloud has a silver lining. Polly may just make it into work and then not be able to get home again, which would necessitate her staying in the city somewhere…

I had a Judie Tzuke night tonight, after buying an album of hers on iTunes with a voucher I was given at Christmas. Judie really should have been far more well-known in my humble opinion. A beautiful, distinctive voice and  a very varied output. Maybe that was the catch – she can’t really be pinned down to any particular genre and the music press do like to pigeonhole people, while we all know that the only thing that fits in a pigeonhole is a pigeon!

I’ve been searching the internet for a clip (video preferably but sound-only would do) of “Let Me Be The Pearl” which is one of my favourites of hers. As yet, I can’t find one. And it’s getting late. I have a craving for something sweet. My cupboard stocks are a little limited at the moment, so we’re either talking honey or cereal with sugar sprinkled on. Neither of these are compatible with a laptop computer!

Sé Mhí

Six months ago this happened…

and I walked into the arrivals lounge at Cork Airport.

Six months to the day since I first set foot in this little house. knowing that I’d be able to see Polly nearly every day.

Since that day I have a job, a few people I’d consider friends, my beard back again and a bunch of memories. Most of the memories are very good ones. I won’t lie to any of you, there have been dark times when I’ve been cold and lonely – not necessarily sat in the house, either. There are few lonelier places than a city where you don’t know anyone.

As I said, it’s been mostly good, though. A learning experience. Learning the differences between English and Irish culture, some fascinating snippets of colloquial language, learning about how Polly and I would make “us” work on a day-to-day basis and, more than anything else, learning about myself. Re-learning maybe. Unforgetting, even.

Throughout it all, there’s been a constant. Every single day I’ve felt the support of a very special lady. If she couldn’t be with me in person then she’s only been as far away as a phone or a computer. Everything that I’ve managed has been easier because of her. Never was a man so taken care of.

And as I have to get up in a very few hours, for tonight, that’s better be all. Sweet dreams.

Upstairs

It's got so cold over here that I've taken just trying to heat the one room. Downstairs has stone floors and tiles throughout which make it very chilly. The bedroom here is the warmest and best-lit room in the house so I've moved up here for the duration, only venturing down when necessary.

'Twas lovely to have company too, today. My darling girl popped round for a few hours. It was the first time we'd been together since before Christmas and it was so nice to see her and to catch up a little.

We always seem to have more to talk about than we can actually fit in the time we have so we're always left with a touch of "oh rats, I meant to say so-and-so". We have the rest of our lives to talk about whatever we want though and never have to worry about not saying things. Once you've found your forever, nevers don't matter.

I have something of an anniversary tomorrow, which I shall mention here. There's actually another anniversary 8 days after that, which I may well mention too.

For now, I have nothing really to say, I just had the urge to blog. Just checking in really. "Twirling" is important to me, not only as a source of news for my friends but as somewhere I can go to say whatever I want. If I'm feeling happy or sad or whatever, it's likely to be recorded here. And on that note, I'll bid you all a very goodnight.

Freeze

On January 1st the Irish Government passed into law the Defamation Act of which part is concerned with blasphemy.

“It defines blasphemy as publishing or uttering matter grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby intentionally causing outrage among a substantial number of adherents of that religion, and intending by such publication to cause such outrage.”

and is punishable by a fine of up to €25,000. So watch this space!

Not that I’ve got €25,000, of course. I actually have the princely sum of –€65 to see me until the end of the month. So it’s off to the bank within the next couple of days to offer up my soul. Or, if they’d prefer, I could round up a few children for them.

So, it’s cold. In fact it’s seriously minus degrees at night and barely scraping above melting point during the day. This is a far from ideal situation when the plumbing of the house in which one is living has certain idiosyncrasies – like the feed pipe for the shower from the cold water tank running outside the house. See where I’m going with this? Luckily there’s a shower room at work. Must take towels tomorrow…

I haven’t quite managed to slip over on ice again. It’s come to the flailing of arms and blaspheming on more than one occasion but I’ve managed to stay upright. Fnarr!

And for now, I guess, that is all. Roll on Thursday.

Retrospective

2009? I left an old life to start a new one.

That kind of outweighs the rest. It was the year when  first took the hand of the woman I was born to love and when I discovered, against all expectations, that I was employable and could actually make a pretty good fist of it.

And when I realised if I was tired, I could go to bed!

Upcoming Hootenanny

I’ve left it far too late to write much here. Chucking it down with rain most of the day and it’s supposed to freeze tonight. That’ll be fun in the morning! Which, incidentally, isn’t that far away.

I promise to come up with more tomorrow than a couple of sentences about how late it is and how I don’t have time to blog, okay? Especially as it’ll be my last entry for 2009!

Roll up for the End Of The Year show…

Whoops!

I just realised what the time is.

I should seriously be off to bed. Night, folks.

Oh yes!

After the shock of last night when I was convinced for a little while that my laptop had died, I’m happy to report (quietly, though, and although I’m not superstitious can everyone touch wood as they read this) that it seems to be humming happily to itself again.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I was horrified at the prospect of it being FUBAR’ed and felt a little like this…

I guess I’d have managed without it. I’d have had no choice, really but it brought it home to me how much I rely on it. Besides the internet access it’s a radio, a DVD player, a photo album, a back-up of all my music and just generally a window on the world for times that I’m alone. And, mercifully, it appears to be working now!

 

So for tonight I’m not even approaching the profound or the meaningful. I’m just giving thanks that I’m here at all. And that my will-power held this morning when I was offered a cigarette by a well-meaning colleague at work. Was I tempted? For a second yes I was. Only for a second though. I realised that although the thought of having a smoke was kinda nice, I didn’t really want one. This is an important realisation. I guess I could now be described as a recovering addict rather than just an addict. I wouldn’t like to be without one of these, though…

I know that they look a little naff. In fact they look like one has a mini-tampon in one’s mouth, which is classy. A nice lady in a pharmacy gave me a pair of black ones which are at least a little less uncool than the white ones. They provide the hit of nicotine should the craving get uncontrollable and satisfy the habit of “hand to mouth” which is such a big part of smoking.

Speaking of hands, I have something of a rash at the moment. I don’t think it’s my old stress-related thing, it looks more like some kind of contact dermatitis. Maddeningly itchy it is, so I’m hoping it fades very quickly.

Right – today my shower was finally fixed so I’m off to stand under running hot water before bedtime. Sweet dreams, everyone.

Oh no

Normal service may be resumed if I can get my laptop to run for more than 5 minutes without crashing. This is sent from my phone.

Obviously this cuts most of my access to Facebook, email and music.

I think that was the sound of a door slamming.

Candelabra

It’s getting late and I don’t believe I shall be out of bed for much longer. It’s not as cold outside as it has been for the last few nights and I don’t believe that there’s a frost. At least there wasn’t the last time that I looked and I can’t honestly be bothered to get up and look specifically to check.

I typed the word “believe” in each of the first two sentences tonight and got it wrong both times. As I did in the sentence previous to this one. Does this mean I’m having problems with belief?

So WTF am I doing awake at this time of the morning? Nothing really. Just been hanging out online, passing the time.

It’s now even later and no I haven’t yet been to sleep. I’ve been “chatting” with my favourite lady and then just laid here in the dark, thinking. And getting hungry apparently. “Hungry” must be dealt with so I just padded down to the kitchen for some kind of snack. Snack is now consumed and I’m about to try to get some sleep with loads buzzing around in my head.

Mercifully, I’ve got a day off work tomorrow. I also have a horrible feeling that I might not be very coherent for much longer so I’ll sign off and maybe be back in the morning.

I need some kind of a title for this post, too. I can’t think of anything brilliantly witty to call it so I’m going to pluck a word from the ether at random and drop it in as the post title.

Laters

In The Bleak Mid-winter

As the forecast for tonight is between –4 and –7C, I think the word “bleak” is permissible. Sudden, too. I was walking home at about half past five this evening and it was slightly frosty. An hour and a half later and there was thick ice on the pavements! Scary.

Funny day today. Yesterday there was a definite Christmas buzz around, even work felt Christmassy. Today, not so much. There’s been a subdued air about and I don’t know why.

In the hunt for a little Christmas spirit to match my own (which had become sorely tried over the course of the day) I set out with the intention of finding a Church service tonight. I envisaged warmth and light and singing and families and just generally Christmas. What I found was a Cathedral with the gates securely locked. I’d been told that there was a church about 30 minutes walk away that was nice so I set off for that, not quite realising how slippery the pavements were. No, I didn’t fall over but I had to moderate my speed a fair bit, with the result that their service had started when I got there. At least I think it had.

I’d kind of expected that a church on Christmas Eve would be full of light and voices whereas this one had the lights turned on but seemed quiet apart from that. I noticed a handful of people outside the door and asked as politely as I could whether or not the service had started. I wasn’t really expecting the answer I got. I don’t intend to quote it word for word here as this is a family show but suffice to say it referred to my nationality and compared me to an area of the female anatomy as well as enquiring why I was interested. I left.

It’s no big deal – I’ve been called worse. I was slightly saddened that it happened on a church doorstep on Christmas Eve, though. It kind of killed off my desire for company as well, so I made my careful way back home and put the radio on. I’m now sat here very early on Christmas morning listening to Carols. As much as I’d like to linger here a while longer, with the sweet sounds of the choir ringing out, some of us are at work in the morning…

Merry Christmas, everyone.

In The Footsteps Of Small Creatures

So, very quickly before I start work.

I knew it had snowed last night out where my Lady lives because she told me so. There wasn't a single flake in the city, though. I got up this morning to see no sign of frosty sparkles by the streetlights. It wasn't until I got more than half-way down to the city centre to catch my bus that I saw any signs of a freeze at all. The were occasional glistens on cars that had been parked overnight but the pavements were clear.

I don't tend to pay much attention out of the bus windows any more - I've seen the view from the main road enough to know that it's there and to be aware of any mornings when it might look particularly spectacular. To be honest, it's still dark when I'm travelling in and I can't see much anyway. It wasn't until I got off the bus at the airport that I noticed the ground was white.

"Sharp frost out here!" thought I. This wouldn't have been impossible as the airport and the business park have their very own weather systems going on, being on the top of a hill.

But no, it was snow. A good few inches of it, too. So this morning, I walked to work from the airport following rabbit tracks in the snow by the tangerine sparkle of the streetlights. Slightly surreal. No more so than working on Christmas Day, though.

Laters, people.

Freeze

It’s Christmas Eve eve. As my shower isn’t working I’m waiting for water to boil so I can wash my hair and have a quick wash down.

It’s very cold here currently. I just heard a weather forecast on the radio which suggested a drop to –7C tonight, so I’ll have to take care walking down for the bus in the morning. It may be a little slippy underfoot. I actually slipped over earlier this evening. Polly and I were in the car when she noticed a lady picking herself up off the pavement. Polly pulled in and I got out of the car to go and see if the lady was alright. I hadn’t planned to be going base over apex myself, on a sheet of sheer ice. Apparently it was a complete slapstick fall, with my legs flying right up in the air. I was fine, luckily, as was the lady who’d fallen.

 

I mentioned the other day that I’d be guiding you to the greatest invention ever. A very pretty girl very nearly guessed right when she said “electric blanket”. I was actually surprised that she didn’t get it right as I’d been waxing lyrical about this very item earlier that evening. I meant these:

which are just the best idea ever! No more getting a handful of dog slobber when one picks up a tennis ball. Just a flick of the wrist and the ball goes sailing away. A certain dog I met a couple of days ago loves it, as does his little friend.

It’s been ages since I had to wash my hair over a sink! That was a flash-back. The shower was FUBAR’ed when I got home from work on Saturday. It’s been replaced but the pipe taking water to it is outside the house and is frozen, apparently. We’ll see if the new one works when this cold snap ends. I actually have my doubts.

Bed for me. Goodnight all.

Walking The Walk

“At Christmas you tell the truth” someone once said. Telling the truth isn’t that hard if one picks and chooses the times. It’s even fairly easy to get by with “not lying” and just finessing what one says sufficiently to hide what’s really going on. Occasionally an outright lie may be called for.

If it’s someone who doesn’t know you well enough to detect the deception, then I suppose that’s all well and good. God knows I’ve done it. If it’s someone that knows you, really knows you, then they’re likely to know that they’re not being told the whole truth. They may choose to let it go, thinking that you have your reasons.

The hard part comes when someone one has sworn never to lie to, and who knows one well enough to detect a falsehood, asks a question the honest answer to which may hurt them.

I faced that today and told the truth. The truth is that life is hard sometimes. Having said that, I can expand on it.

Yes, I get lonely sometimes when the house is cold, empty and quiet. I struggle sometimes at work and feel an ache in my heart whenever anyone walks past me with a dog. I will never forget the look on my Elder Daughter’s face when I left and I’m sorry for the pain I caused other members of my family.

I wouldn’t undo any of it, though. Life is hard and not as long as we’d like. Since July I have had days the bliss and contentment of which far outweigh any darkness lurking. I have found that which I was always looking for, my heart’s ease and my constant joy.

That sounds a little “cheesy” even to me! Sorry, everyone.

It’s true though. If someday I may be called to account and asked to pay for what I’ve done, then so be it. Any choice, other than the one I made, would have left my heart and soul cold and dead within me. I chose life and light, laughing in the rain, kissing in the mist and the smartest, most delightful, witty, caring, beautiful woman that ever lived. I am hers for this life and beyond and she knows it. She is my dream, my hope, my inspiration and my spur. She’s my darlin’ girl and my Lady.

She’s probably embarrassed now, too! Back to more prosaic things, next post. Broken showers, payslips and the greatest invention ever…well…invented. And I don’t mean the wheel. Nor Jaffa Cakes!

Icicles

I have lots that I’d like to say here but I’ve left it too late and am too cold, so it’ll have to wait for a slightly less chilly time. Maybe tomorrow.