When I was stood outside smoking I had an idea for something to post here. Something deep and meaningful about decisions.
By the time I'd walked back into the building and sat down at a PC it was gone, drifting like lazy snowflakes in the wind. Not completely gone - there's still a slight taste of it in my mind but not in any form that I could express. It was something about choosing to do what you believe in your heart to be right but more than that.
Oh well.
Molto conflicted here. The weather in Ireland is very cold. Our part of the country has escaped the worst of the snow (so far) but some patches of road are extremely icy.
One such patch is about 2 miles from a certain lady's house. On a steep hill. In the middle of nowhere.
I know that she'd like to get home to see her family and I also know that she's scared of driving that patch of road in these conditions. I'm trying to walk a delicate line between being supportive of whatever decision she makes - whether to try to get home (and then risk not being able to get in again in the morning, which isn't currently an option) or being more persuasive in my feeling that she should stay at mine.
My suggestion is (I think) about 30% selfishness that I want her to stay with me and about 70% concern for her safety. Of course, this is likely to be wildly inaccurate as I'm only human and try not to paint myself in a bad light.
What isn't open for discussion is that if she tries the drive I will worry constantly until she lets me know that she's home safely and then worry most of the night about her getting back in in the morning. Yes, I can talk to her on her mobile (she has a hands-free kit) so she has "company" in the car but if she slides off the road what am I gonna do? Walk 30-odd miles to help her? Without hesitation, if I thought that I could actually get to her before, God forbid, an ambulance would.
She'll have guilt if she stays with me, I know that too. All I can do is give her my honest opinion ("no secrets, no lies"), including as honest appraisal of my motives behind it as I can manage and not pressurise her at all. Ultimately, I'll back her in whatever she chooses 100% and if it means walking through the night to help her out of a crashed car then I'll do that too.
Very foggy here tonight, all of a sudden.
I kind of like the fog. I know that at this time of years it makes things seem colder and damper than they really are, and makes driving a nightmare, but I like walking in it. It's mysterious somehow, yes, but it seems to impart the same kind of peace that snow does. Whether it's physically possible or not I don't know but it seems to "deaden" sounds.
And talking of snow, they forecast that for here too, over the next few days. Pretty.
It seems strange tonight, not to have my Lady by my side.
Sometimes are easier than others, when she's not around. Tonight I'm not sad or miserable or morose or depressed or even especially lonely. I just miss her being in my arms.
It's Sunday again. I don't know why it is but I'm learning to thoroughly hate Sundays.
I'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself. I'm going to go for a walk, pick up a few bits of shopping, come home and have a late lunch, maybe watch a movie and then put together a plan for a permanent, full-time post that's arisen at work. It's not in the training sphere but it does give me a chance to flex my writing and editorial muscles again. Which would be nice.
It would also be regular hours of (I guess) 8.30 - 5.30ish. This is not only a matter of preference. The only buses that would get me out to the business park I work on are run by Skylink and their service is currently "suspended". This means that if I were to revert to my usual role at work and find myself on the early shift, starting at 7.00 in the morning, I'd be scratching around for a lift, paying for cabs or walking upwards of 5 miles. I don't like any of those options.
So I need to get this one, this time!
Although the weather last night wasn't especially inviting, it didn't seem to approach the biblical proportions that the forecasters had been warning of. As a particularly erudite woman noted..."there's an awful lots of ass-covering going on there".
I don't make a habit of blogging about work, so I'll just say that it was a bit of a challenging day for lots of people, for lots of reasons, and I'll leave it at that. Sure and it'll be grand!!
So I'm sat here at work waiting for my lovely lady and thought I'd take the opportunity to drop back in again. I'm rather pleased with myself after yesterday - loads of housework done. Largely ironing, and only because I'd remembered to buy hangers. I seem to have been accumulating shirts without hangers which is something I'm clearly going to have to watch in future.
I didn't mention it at all over the weekend but I had a thoroughly enjoyable Saturday afternoon in the local pub, watching two rugby games. It even included a pint "on the house" which can't be bad at all. It was nice to feel welcome.
I had rather a shock today. I learned that the bus company I use to get to work when I'm doing my "usual" job rather than my current interim post, have suspended their service for "10 to 12 weeks". This isn't Bus Éireann, it's a local firm that runs from the city centre out to the airport. They run earlier in the morning so that I'm able to be here for 7 o'clock when required. I'll confess to being a little concerned. If my interim role runs out before they start up again then there's no way that I'm going to be able to get in at that time of the morning without relying on someone's good auspices for a lift and I hate taking people out of their way. There'd be no earthly reason for my Lady to be going to work that early so it'd be a case of asking around other people who start at that kind of time. Or just warning my manager that I'm going to be consistently 5 minutes late. Or walking. I wonder how long 7 km or so would take me, uphill, in the depths of winter! I might have to give it a go one day, just to see.
It may not have been a complete cure for the Sunday blues but I managed to hold them slightly at bay by immersing myself in housework. I've laundered, ironed and washed up. I've hoovered, scrubbed and tidied. All in between bouts of eating (having been shopping recently), Facebooking and gazing at the weather. Ah yes, the weather.
There are Severe Weather Warnings in place for several coastal districts of Ireland, including Cork. It's one of those times that I'm glad I live at the top of a hill. I'm sat here on my bed and I can hear the rain roaring on the roof. By itself this isn't unusual but tonight it's gone on and on. With a high-tide due I'm also glad that I don't have to travel through the city to get to work. There are going to be floods by the morning, I'm fairly sure.
Luckily a certain lovely lady has offered to pick me up in the morning which will give me an extra hour at least in my lovely new bedding and save me a soaking! Add to that the fact that where I catch the bus is likely to be underwater and I'm even more grateful than usual for a ride into work.
Tomorrow I'm Training Assistant for another class of New Hires. That should be at least the next two weeks spoken for. I can't explain to you all how much I'm enjoying this training lark! But as I need to have a functioning brain in the morning, I guess I'd better be turning in. Goodnight all.
It's chilly today but I guess that's no surprise now it's November.
There is completely foul weather forecast for today so I'm not planning on going anywhere. I guess I have housework to do to keep me out of mischief and to try to keep "the Sunday feeling" at bay.Quite what it is about Sundays, I don't know but if I'm feeling cold, sad and lonely then it's a better than 1 in 7 chance that the day is a Sunday.
Okay, washing up first, je pense...
It may be easy to get out of the blogging habit but it appears to be fairly easy to slip back into it again (rawr).
If all goes well, I may have a computer again sooner than I'd hoped, which would be very, very cool. Looking at the Last.fm widget on the left of the page, it's now been 112 days since I've had a computer of my own. Strange to think that it's been that long.
Today was a day of surprises, mostly good ones. Someone was far nicer to me than I expected and I received a very nice official document from work. It appears that I may be in this role until the end of the year. This would be exceptionally good but I'm quite prepared to have that change at short notice. It's just been good to have the opportunity to spread my wings a little bit. And I don't think that I've let myself or anyone else down.
It's been nice to come home after a day at work and just relax, having "eaten out". It's getting back towards the time of year when bed is by far the warmest place in the house so just being able to snuggle into the warmth with some music on is divine! Stone floors are all very well in the summer months but at this time of year they turn the downstairs of the house into something resembling an ice box. Which may be a blessing in disguise, given the unreliability of the fridge.
This is already as many posts in November as I managed in September and October combined. I think that maybe some kind of a dam may have burst...
I discovered something today - it is actually possible to drink too much coffee. I'm sat here at work at the end of the day and I feel quite queasy at the thought of it. This is the problem with coffee being available for free. Maybe I should switch to tea tomorrow.
I got a letter today confirming me in my interim role and explaining the benefits, the most beneficial of which is the whole "not working shifts" thing! On an equally vaguely work related note, I guess I'd better take down the Hallowe'en decorations in the room at some point over the next couple of days. There'll be Christmas ones up soon.
I'm finding it hard to believe that it's November already. It really is kinda startling how quickly this year has gone.
I get to treat my lovely lady to a bag of chips, once she's finished work and am looking forward to the chips nearly as much as her company. I actually typed "loomking" instead of "looking" there - this conjures up some kind of peculiar pagan weaving ritual which ought to be made into a cult horror movie. Or perhaps that's just the coffee OD talking again. I hope so as that might explain the pulse I can feel in my right eyelid which is freaking me out more than a little bit.
For now, I'll leave you with this thought...
It's very easy to get out of the blogging habit when one doesn't have regular access to a computer. I wish I could blog properly using my phone but it's a genuine pain in the posterior.
I rediscovered the pleasure in a few things today. One is being able to transfer music to my iPod. I've had a couple of CDs sitting around that I've only been able to listen to on a borrowed laptop. While it's awesomely generous of my Lady to lend me a laptop when she can, it's not a hi-fi experience for listening to music. Today I was able to find a tiny program (about the size of one 3-minute mp3 song) which allowed me to put my new albums on my iPod and properly crank them out. Lovely.
I rediscovered how relaxing it is to fuss a dog's head. I was out for a walk in the rain this afternoon and met a fairly random hound out doing much the same thing. We exchanged a couple of pleasantries and I gently held my hand out for it to sniff. Encouraged by a wag, I ruffled it's head and was rewarded with a big doggy grin. So we communed for a while. Making a new doggy friend in the rain is not the worst way to spend some of a Sunday afternoon.
On the subject of pleasures, I am thoroughly enjoying my new interim post. Like any new job it's come with occasional ups and downs but it's far more the sort of thing I'd like to be doing - and it means I'm not working silly shifts. 8.30 to 5.30 Monday to Friday suits me pretty well.
I've also had the chance to spend a lovely amount of time with the woman I love. She stayed over last weekend and it was divine just to hang out together talking, reading, laughing, loving, going for walks and cuddling. A whole treefull of birds taking off at the same time is always going to make me smile now. We went to a works quiz for Hallowe'en on Friday night, after spending the day in fancy dress at work (we were both pirates!) and spent the night at the hotel it was hosted at. We had a couple of lovely people from outside work on our team and thoroughly enjoyed the evening, not least because we won! €200 split between the four us! Our share paid for the hotel room we'd booked, which was such a good idea by the way. As was the late check-out.
Any and all time spent with her is time well spent.
So I'm back to work in the morning. Another fantastic thing about the hours is that it pretty much matches the hours that my Lady works and she's being kind enough to come and pick me up in the mornings, which means I don't have to set my alarm for silly o'clock to get a bus out to work. Even so, it's past time I turned in for the night. I'll try to make the effort to get back here again soon. G'night all.
It's still very difficult to get back here as regularly as I'd like as I still don't have a working PC in the house.
Thanks to the generous loan of a laptop for the night (mmmmwah!!) I can mention that tomorrow I start work as an Interim Training Assistant. Vair 'cited! Yes, it's a temporary position but it's still something of a big deal for me and it wouldn't have been possible without the unwavering support of a certain Lovely Lady.
Thank you, sweetie!
I've been sat here tonight looking online at accommodation available. It's not that I'm on the point of moving, I just wanted to see what was about.
For very little more than I pay rental now I could get a very cool place. The real problem is that it's unfurnished. So yet again, I need to win the lottery. Realistically, that isn't going to happen (although...) so I need to look at other ways of raising money. Working the hours/shifts that I do, it's not logistically possible to get a second job. In a little over a year, if I'm still working in the same place, I'll be entitle to sell the shares I have, so lets hope the share price goes through the roof!
I guess I'll keep plodding on. There are cheaper places to live out there but as I'm quite regularly up before 5 in the morning to go to work, I don't want to risk moving into an apartment block where student parties will be going on all night. That may cause a certain amount of "unpleasantness".
I guess I'll keep doing what I can - spend as little as possible, work all the overtime I can stand and keep hoping for that other miracle. Isn't that greedy? I've had one miracle and now I want another!
Hello. Remember me?
I have the loan of a laptop for the night so I thought I'd better reassure my loyal and devoted readership that I'm actually still alive and getting on with stuff as best I can, not hiding behind a sofa rocking back and forth with a paper bag over my head. That's next week.
So I could actually sit here all night and tap away at the keyboard - I have weeks of stuff to catch up on. I won't of course. I have to be up in the morning to hand the laptop back to its owner on her way into work.
I'm not going to waste this time and space with random philosophical musings (42) nor with thinly veiled hints about circumstances at work (someone please drop a house on her) and I'm just going to say how nice it is to be back, even if only briefly. I can tell by looking at my last.fm widget on the left that it's now 73 days since I've had a working computer of my own. This, it has to be admitted, is a pain in the arse.
Things that would have featured in posts here are bad dreams, a brief visit to Dublin, lots of overtime, nice people, not-so-nice people, a fair sized stream of consciousness and lots of loved-upness. So you've missed very little really.
I'll try to get back here more often . There are inexpensive internet cafés around, one of which is on my way back from town. For now, I think, it's bedtime. I have to be up in the morning.
Take care, world. Try to be nice to one another.
I had every intention of popping up to work today, just to give myself a head start for Monday. I screwed up with the bus times, though and couldn't be arsed to hang around waiting for the next one. I didn't get here but that might be a blessing in disguise. I start back on a different shift to usual and least now I know the times of the buses. I may have a saunter out there over the weekend.
There's two other things that I wanted to mention. One is that I was eating a Cornetto this evening and thought how much they'd shrunk since I was a boy. I wonder if this isn't just an illusion. Every single ice-cream or chocolate bar that was on the market when I was young seems smaller now than it did then. I guess it could just be that I'm bigger...
The other thing I noticed is that it does my heart as much good to hear about my Lady going out and having a good time with her buddies as it does to go out myself. And, of course, I don't get the hangover!
I've been chuntering about the Mobile Phone provider that myself and my Lady use for some time. Nearly all the exclamations of "stoopid phone" can be laid at the poor signal.
She's away with a couple of friends, down by the coast, for a couple of nights. While I was able to text or call to say "goodnight" while she was in Jamaica (over 4000 miles away) there's no signal from our provider where she is.
Growl.
Just briefly for tonight, it strikes me that on the day that using foul and abusive language toward Consumer Electronics fails to solve their inherent problems, I may well have a problem
For now, I go in search of peaceful sleep and sweet dreams.
I have the loan of a laptop for a few days!
I make no guarantees about quality but you should see a brief surge in the quantity of posts here, for the next couple of days at least. It's like having a New Toy.
It's been a while again. Sorry, if anyone has been wondering what's happening.
So I still have no access to the internet at home. This netbook doesn't work with my wireless dongle and the "big laptop" is FUBAR. I'm currently availing of free wifi at the hotel near work.
I'd really like to have a rant here about something at work but that breaches the only form of self-censorship I've set myself. So I can't.
Suffice to say that myself and my Lovely Lady have discovered that someone appears to hold a grudge against us. Consequently, while at work, we're having to steer clear of one another. It's ridiculous, upsetting and frankly, I'm as angry as I can ever remember being. I'm a good friend to have but a poor enemy to make. My Lady and I are easily strong enough to get past this but someone is gonna get theirs one day. Big time.
We both have next week off on holiday and she's taking the chance to catch up with family a little. I approve. I'll miss her horribly but I wholeheartedly approve. She needs to be "away" for a while, I think and her kids will love it. So will she.
So, I will probably spend most of the week reading, sleeping, listening to music and working on my Voodoo Doll. I will resist the temptation to go out and get righteously plastered as I'll only get maudlin and, to be honest, I'm getting too old for that shit now.
There may well be more posts here than there have been of late. It's probably cheaper to pay for an hour or two in an Internet Cafe than to find somewhere with free wifi - that tends to involve my buying pints, just to be polite, you understand!
For now, that's probably all I have for you. I hope that Herself will be finished work soon and we can spend about an hour together before she has to go. The week before last was something akin to Heaven on Earth. This week has been far, far harder to deal with. Such is life, I suppose.
I seem to have bought into Google wholesale recently. I set up a new gmail account with a more "grown up" address than my previous one and set it to gather all my other email accounts to it. I imported everything into my Google Calendar (apart from shifts at work - gah! I'm going to have to find out what time I'm expected in next Monday) and Google address book. I just switched my feeds from Bloglines to the Google Reader and can now post at Twirling from the new account.
I guess this was prompted by not having a working computer at home. I needed to be able to easily find everything, preferably all in one place. It's helped but it's still very frustrating not to be able get online whenever I want without walking down to an internet café.
At least when I do have access at home again, I'll have the convenience, thanks to the work I've put in.
