Unpaid.

So I'm sat at work on one of my days off. That's grand, though. I've come up to meet the most beautiful girl in the world out of work and she's just finishing off one or two things before we leave. She's nomming a choccie bar while working and has just giggled at my current Facebook status so I figure I have time to blog quickly, while glancing surreptitiously at her so as not to disturb further. She really does take my breath away.

I can't believe I have so much holiday time to take in the next couple of months. I guess that's because in the 11 months or so that I've been working here, I really haven't taken much time off at all. If I could find a way to raise the cash I would so be jetting off with my Lady somewhere.

We went to see Deep Purple Live At The The Marquee, in Cork last Wednesday night. Thoroughly enjoyable. If anyone is remotely interested, my review can be found here. There always seem to be some good stuff on there - last year saw both Chickenfoot and Anastacia playing, both of whom I'd have shelled out for tickets for but they were about a month before I arrived. This year has had Paul Weller and Blondie amongst others, but I didn't really have the financial muscle to manage more than one and that just had to be Purple. Can't wait to see what next year brings!

I'm only at work for about two days over the next three weeks so I must make sure that my Manager/Team Leads have my contact details to hand, should I be called for an interview for any of the jobs that I've applied for internally. Two of them are "interim posts" which would be cool but for a limited period of time. The other one is a permanent position involving a lot of writing, which sounds right up my street...

Fingers crossed.

Electrickery

There's something going on with the electrical appliances. Watch yourselves - their day may have come!

I could put the way my phone startled me down to circumstance. It very rarely rings. When it does ring it's usually my lovely Lady. This evening I'd just got out of her car and knew that she wouldn't be calling for 15 minutes or so. When the phone rang in my pocket I think I actually left the pavement! Accidental dial - she was trying to call someone else and accidentally pressed the "dial" button and called me. Stoopid phone.

When she rang me intentionally a little while later, I learned that their TV has lost it's picture. And this only a day after her laptop bit the dust. Hmmm. All coincidental, you may say. As my laptop has been acting the bollox anyway, then you could possibly stretch that point to include my first ever "blue screen of death". Fair enough. I've been running Windows PCs for years and this is the first time I've ever seen one.

It's surely not concidental, though, that further attempts were made on me when I got home. I went turn on the lights in the kitchen and was met with a BANG as one of the bulbs blew and threw the circuit breaker. Heart racing, I took out the bulb and reset the circuit. Then my shower unit steadfastly refused to switch on for a good 10 attempts.

There's something going on and it's more than mutiny. Rebellion is in the air, I tell you.

Back again

I should maybe be making more of an effort to blog regularly. In my defence, I've been filling another commission for articles for the website I sometimes write for. That's not much of an excuse because I've been leaving it until the last thing for the last two weeks to get the articles in just before the deadlines - I've had ideas brewing and initial drafts in process but it's been a rush to get the articles completed.

It's been kind of busy at work as well. Besides the hours-per-day, I've been keeping some anti-social hours to try to support a Lady who has been working horribly hard with very little acknowledgement. 

It's also been rather unpleasant here weather-wise. I have no problems at all with rain but the recent spell of hot, muggy weather has had me wilting completely. I'm exhausted through the days, battling headaches and sleeping less well than usual through the sticky nights. Seriously, though, how bad? I need to get over it and get on with things. There's worse things than the weather, right?

So I have this week off work, although I'll be popping in on Wednesday for another interview for an interim post and then off to see Deep Purple Live at the Marquee in Cork with my Lady. It's a little strange being off work. Since I started there I've had so little time off that I'm at a little bit of a loose end. Yes, I could take some day trips but I don't really want to be spending lots of money because I'm off work. I think it's maybe a week for just chilling and catching up on some reading and some housework and taking opportunities to see my lady whenever its convenient. It's nice not to be ruled by the clock for a week, though.

Vagueness

I tend to fight shy of blogging about work but here I sit blogging from work! I'm not being too much of a bad guy - I am now well outside my working hours and am just hanging around waiting for my lovely Lady and using the company's electricity rather than my own.

I'm not breaking too much of my self-imposed restriction when I say that I'm very excited about tomorrow as I have an interview for an interim post, doing more the sort of thing that I'd like to be doing. I'll keep you posted, albeit in a vague, cryptic manner.

For now, that is all...

And counting...

This won't be a long post as I've got to be up in just over 4 hours to go to work. Stupid boy to be up this late.

I've got to be honest, these 1-day weekends are starting to get a little old. I know that it's my own fault if I choose to work overtime but even so I think it's be nice to have a little time off. I know I've got some holidays coming up soon and it'll just be nice to have a few days off in a row.

That reminds me, I must try to "fine-tune" my holidays a little tomorrow. So I guess I should go to sleep.

Bank Holiday

It's been a Bank Holiday in Ireland today. Coupled with my having a day off work, it's made the day feel very like a Sunday so forgive me if I get confused about days, okay? I don't have a set theme in mind for this post so it might feel like a bunch of bullet point stiched together loosely.

Last week was (I nearly typed "this week has been") a very strange week in lots of ways. There were so many niggles and irritations going on that either my Lady or I were soothing one another's frayed nerves nearly every day. The weather was very hot and sultry too, which didn't make it any easier. I learned (or rediscovered) that even under the kind of stress that was going on I was more than capable of doing my job...and more. This bodes well for the future, more of which in a later entry, I hope.

I've been searching for somewhile for some free calendar software that meets my needs. I'd tried Outlook at home (works reasonably well but is too much or a resource hog - I don't need all those features), Thunderbird, with the "Lightning" calendar add-on (very disappointing - lots of issues with Thunderbird itself), Sunbird (which is effectively a stand-alone version of the aforementioned add-on) which is where I thought I'd settled but I've recently been very happy with the "ReminderFox" add-on for Firefox. I have it installed on Firefox both at home and at work, which is a good sign. I'll keep you posted.

I was supposed to be off work tomorrow as well but agreed to do a day's overtime. It'll help the old bank balance next month and it never hurts to show willing.

July will be a long month, I fear.

So if I'm at work tomorrow, I should go. I don't have to get up as early as I might, thanks to a beautiful lady offering to  pick me up but I do still have to remake the bed before I can climb into it.

Goodnight all.

Me 1 Monday 0

I've been sat here for most of the evening listening to the rain rumbling on the roof. After a few days of sunshine, someone has really decided to empty the watering can.

It's been an interesting day. For some reason I've been rather confrontational today. Not with any particular person, nor with people in general - more with the day itself. Quite why I decided that Monday might have it in for me, I don't know and it's certainly not like me to get my retaliation in first but that's how it happened. I got up, kind of launched myself at Monday and grabbed it by the throat.

Whether or not it was necessary, I'm not sure. Whether the day would have turned out any better or worse if I hadn't seen it as an adversary to be overcome, I don't know. It's some distance outside my usual perspective though and took a fair amount of energy to maintain.

So how do I meet Tuesday? Do I stroll up to it with a grin and offer it "five" or do I kick its lily-white ass as soon as I set eyes on it?

*sigh* Life is very confusing.

Event Horizon

So as it's now early Monday morning does this still count as the weekend?

I haven't forgotten about "Twirling" but I seem to have been crowded for time recently. I've been playing a fair amount of chess again, which can easily take up a whole evening if I get the right frame of mind. And of course, I've been spending as much time as possible with my lovely Lady.

Every time we have to go our own ways for a little while it gets a little more difficult. I think that we're getting closer to an Event Horizon; reaching Critical Mass. Every day is a day nearer being together all the time.

And today she bought me the coolest rainbow shoelaces!

Remember me?

Er...hello.

Sorry. It's been ages. And it's very late now.

I have two whole days off work at the weekend, so there'll be something here then, 'kay?

Promise.

Denial

I never have nightmares. Especially not the kind that wake me up in the dead of night, dry-mouthed, heart racing and screams echoing in my head.

So there's no need for me to have turned on the light and to be sat here cuddling a small, fluffy dinosaur, jumping at every car that drives by, flinching at every gust of wind, with the bitterness of unshed tears cluching at my throat with fingers as dry as the grave.

Just sayin'.

Ponderous

Over the years I've grown pretty good at hiding things. Personal things. Like when I've had my feelings hurt. I guess being shy and sensitive (and if anyone laughs I'm leaving) can only be hidden so much.

One person knows very well when there's something wrong. That sentence should probably start "only one person...". I've got very good at bottling stuff up and keeping a "shiny side out". It's the little stuff that creeps through - rudeness in those I wouldn't think it of; thoughtlessness; cliques; people who are the life and soul of the party with most people but make no effort to diguise their disdain for others, without getting to know them.

Of course, a solution to this would be to stop my mind from churning over things again and again. I used to be able to stop it with sizeable amounts of alcohol and the like but I'm getting too old for that shit now. Anything more than about 4 pints is going to leave me fit for absolutely nothing the following morning.

We all have our little psychoses to carry, I guess. Somedays theyre heavier than others. And with sharp edges.

The Sky's The Limit

It' getting kinda late but it struck me that I hadn't been around for a few days.

It's still a little bit up in the air as my manager is on holiday until Thursday but let's just say that the "issue" at work appears to have been sorted out. I needed to nail it and I did. Cometh the hour, cometh the man and all that jazz!

Hopefully things will now start to mellow out a little bit and I can start to properly kick some ass. It's comin', you mothers. Watch me fly...

Falling stars, shooting stars, seeing stars

I don't really know what I'm doing blogging tonight. There's something that's weighing really heavily on me but I can't mention it here. The only form of self-censorship I impose is about work so lets just say that I might be looking for "other opportunities" soon.

In complete contrast, a certain lovely Lady is doing very well and will be representing her company abroad, for three weeks, in a rather exotic location. I'm so proud of her I may actually burst. Yes, I'll miss her horribly but it's a good thing for her career and I'm sure she'll have a fabulous time. She deserves it.

Closer to home, I just gave my head a terrific crack on an overhang above the stairs. I'm seeing a few stars here so I'm going to close my eyes and see if they go away.

Sir Realism

I'm sat at work, waiting for my Lady. I've played on Facebook as much as I dare, considering it's strictly verboten and I'm kinda bored. I'm also feeling a little sick. This is about 50% being poorly and about 50% the day I've had. Ah well.

So I need to find a way to shake off these Friday blues and remember that I have the company of a beautiful, intelligent woman to look forward to and a day off work tomorrow. I'm not wasting any of this evening or tomorrow being miserable - Sunday will soon roll around and I'll have loads of time for that then.

Line in the Sand

There's a dead giveaway for when I'm under stress - my skin.

For the last three weeks I've been under threat at work. At the age of 44 if I get dismissed for failing to meet targets, for whatever reason, then things are not good. Notice the typical English flair for understatement there? I've ticked all the boxes for the last three weeks while my skin has got gradually drier, I've got steadily spottier and spent more and more time clawing at my hands and arms. 

No more. I am better than that and I have plans. This shit ends.

Because I will have it so.

Changes

Wow, I felt ill last night! As you know, my usual blogging time is last thing at night but there was no way I was going to try to sit up and type last night. I was convinced for a while I was coming down with the 'Flu. I was alternately cold and hot, I was shivery, dizzy, nauseous, the works. This after having a sore throat all day.

After a reasonably good night's sleep, I feel a little better - if forced to quantify it I'd say I'm about 70%, which will do for a Sunday. I'm taking it fairly easy with the housework as I need to well enough for work tomorrow, so I may draw the line at laundry and washing up.

What I do have, which is making me feel a little better, is a new internet connection. Up until now I've been using a pay-as-you-go wireless dongle from 3. It's been...okay. Not terribly quick and little flaky sometimes. I hadn't had any experience of wireless dongles before and didn't know what to expect. When I was last paying my phone bill, one of the guys in the shop tried to sell a dongle on contract. It set me thinking. It'd be added to my monthly phone bill and has a bigger monthly allowance than 3 gave me. They'd give me 14 days to try it out so I thought I'd give it a shot.

I set it up last night and straight away it was quicker. So far so good. If it fails to please you'll hear about it, trust me. I haven't yet tested the speed by trying to stream any video but it handles online radio comfortably. Yay Meteor! Their phone service has it's little quirks but I'm happy with the internet they've sold me.

I saw it, I saw it!

It was few minutes to 8 yesterday morning, I guess, that I thought I saw it. Even in my slightly bleary condition (overslept and had to beg a lift in) something like a four-foot high Cornetto wasn't going to escape my attention.
Me: "That was a four-foot high Cornetto outside the garage!"
Polly: "What?"

There's probably a formal medical term for those whose fevered imagination leads them to hallucinate giant ice-creams (or dream of industrial-sized slabs of pâté, but that's another story). Of course, this isn't the kind of thing one can keep to oneself. I had, shall we say "mixed" reactions to the revelation, ranging from the fervent hope that it was an hallucination because it would be cool to see ice-cream that wasn't really there (working too hard, that one) to people edging nervously in the general direction of away.

By the time the end of the day rolled around I'd almost forgotten about it. Until we stopped at the garage for petrol. Even then I didn't spot it again until we were pulling away...
Me: "There! Look! Cone! STOP THE CAR!!"

It's obscurely comforting to know that it was really there. Now if only I had a real one like that...

Lost

I don't know how well this will format as I'm posting from my phone.

I've a laptop and a netbook in the house and can't make either of them work.

I feel rather lost and a little lonely. Can't wait for the morning.

A Sunny Sunday

I had one full day off at the weekend but travelling into work on Monday morning I felt as though I'd had a week or so off. The end of last week and the weekend were so full, so enjoyable that it felt like a holiday.

It was entirely down to the company I was in and the frame of mind that the company always brings on. Now that things are back to what currently passes for normal I wanted to share a few pictures of Sunday with you all.

We drove to Killarney, in Kerry. It's a beautiful part of a beautiful country. The first time we stopped the car, I got out to see this...

We drove for a while and then stopped for lunch at Muckross House...

...which is very pretty in itself...

After lunch I was taken to Ladies View. I'd heard of this before but didn't expect it to be quite so lovely, even in the early spring with very little green about. It was the second-most beautiful thing I saw all day...

I can't wait to go back again later in the year when everything is green and lush, maybe with a light rain falling.

I honestly had the most wonderful time, in delightful company and the years fell away from me to the extent that I just had to go climbing in the rocks...

...and have been standing on that rainbow ever since.

Guesting

I'm a staying with a friend for a few days. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement - it saves them being alone in their house and I get lifts to and from work, plus the pleasure of their company in their lovely house. I may never want to go back home!

The internet isn't terribly reliable where they live, though. The house isn't in the middle of nowhere but there are certainly signposts to it in the nearest village. hence my doubt in the previous post about the frequency of blogging for the next few days and the fact that I'm typing this at work.

It's been a funny day - the ups and downs haven't been on a far steeper curve than usual, although I must hasten to add that I've remained fairly stoical in the face of all of them. I'm facing the imposters with a steady gaze and asking both of them "WTF?"

And it's nearly time to go...with some remarkably good news to close the day here!

Just so's you know

Even though I have to be up at a quarter to five in the morning, I'm going to wait for the washing machine to finish. I can hear it on the spin cycle so it won't be long.

I wouldn't normally bother but there are some shirts that I want to put on to wash overnight so I can put them on to dry in the morning. Unless there's a last minute change of plans somewhere, I shall be away from the house for a few nights and will need a change or two of clothing.

There may or may not be blogging again before the weekend. There will be smiling and laughter, though.

Woken

It's very wild outside. Raining and extremely windy, if not cold. It's actually kind of nice laid here feeling proof against it all, even if it did wake me up. I don't think I'd been sleeping very heavily but as I'm up again I thought I pop in here as I've been a little remiss over the last few days.

Over the weekend I submitted the last two articles of my original comission of eight. Whether or not it'll go any further than that I don't know. I was notified to day of a short-story writing competition I may have ago at. 3000 words shouldn't be beyond me. It's just finding either something original or a sideways approach to something that's been done before. Hmmm...

What else? I spent Easter Monday in the company of the woman I love, which was very lovely. The whole day was a haze of lazing around and just enjoying each other's company. Magical.

This evening I've watched Transformers on TV, which was rather entertaining and then indulged myself with a couple of new purchases - re-issues of Heaven & Hell and Mob Rules by Black Sabbath. Both terrific albums and far better than anything they released with a certain Mr Osbourne as their "singer". 

And I suppose I should try to get back to sleep now.

Frozen Blossom

First it's snowing then it's sunny. Then it's snowing and then it's sunny again. One may never be 100% certain what's coming next but it's always going to be exhilarating, exciting, beautiful and irresistible.

Allegory? Never heard of it.

Glad of the electric blanket again at the moment. The weather has taken a distinctly chilly turn again and I fear for the blossom on the trees and the young buds. Spring will come again though, as surely as the world turns.

In lieu of sleep...

I can hear a couple of birds braving the wind and the rain outside.

If I can hear the Dawn Chorus, however muted and sleepy it is, then it's probably past time that I was asleep. Thank God I'm not at work tomorrow!

I've run through just about every option I can think of as I can't sleep, bar getting up and doing the washing up. Or going to the 24 hour Tesco, I suppose. Firing up the laptop and blogging is a last desperate attempt to stay in or near bed and hope that I may drop off soon. My eyes feel like they've been wearing shoes that are too tight. Does that make any sense? Vair tired now...

Superb!

 

Swings and things

I'm meant to be working on my next two articles. To be frank, it's not happening tonight. I've started three separate drafts on three different topics and I'm not terrible happy with the way any of them are. I think I'll leave them for tonight and try again tomorrow. They don't have to be long pieces but I need to be happy with them, for a start.

It's been a funny day of wild swings in many things. It was a beautiful morning - driving in with my pretty Lady in the spring sunshine, marvelling at how quickly the daffodils had come on; rain this afternoon - if I hadn't got a lift home as well I'd have got very, very wet.

In between the two extremes of the Irish spring weather I got more than a little growly about a situation at work. Swing. This afternoon we had what are laughingly termed "system issues" at work. I picked on an effect this was having and spread the word. "Nice catch, Greg" was the Site Director's comment. Yay me!

My bed was soft and inviting when I got home about 5 o'clock. I didn't sleep heavily but dozed for about an hour, listening to the rain on the window and the roof again. Swing. It's now getting late and I'm wide awake. Typical.

Having had a full cooked lunch at work (nom), I wasn't particularly hungry this evening and just snacked a bit for dinner. Now, of course, I'm ravenous and am going to have to have a midnight snack.

I'm prepared to admit that I'm glad it's payday. I have a little money in savings but it's pleasantly squirrelled away and I don't really want to be raiding it. Living with monthly pay is an art form and I'm going to have to fine-tune my judgement on things, I think. It will only need to be fine-tuning as this month has gone fairly smoothly, finance-wise. Long may it last.

My year's lease of this house is up on july 1st and I've started having a look at what's out there to rent. I'm not even sure that I'll be moving on but there's no harm in looking. This is a nice little pad with the most wonderful bedroom but there is only the one bedroom. I rather think I'd like to be getting a house-sized house, just to cover any and all eventualities. Apart from anything else, I've suggested to lots of friends from the UK that they should holiday in Cork and it'd be nice to be able to offer them hopsitality rather than recommend a hotel! Who knows what use I might have for a couple of spare rooms one day?

Raining

I'm fairly easily distracted. Most often by shiny.

Tonight it wasn't shiny, it was the sound of rain on the window and the wind outside. Some people might not get this at all but I think that there's such music in the rain.

It was enough to stop me in the midst of writing and to lull me into a doze. So blame the rain for there not being more here tonight!

Sunny Sunday

It's been a few days since I've been here but I've been kinda busy and kinda battling a few odds. I had two more articles to finish before today. I lost one evening with the laptop playing up and then I lost a fair amount of writing time last night with my internet being down.

I got them done, though and submitted them on time. That's number 3 and number 4. That means 4 more to go and I already have an idea for 1 of them.

I'm laid here tonight listening to the wind howling outside and the rain pattering on the window. The walk to the bus in morning may be fun if this lot doesn't clear up. You wouldn't believe the difference from 12 hours ago. At eleven this morning (it's eleven at night as I type this sentence) I had walked into the city wearing sunglasses and smiling in the spring morning sunshine. I sat on a low wall drinking a cup of coffee waiting to meet my Lady and then went to the movies with her and her two youngest. Great fun. And then out for lunch afterwards. Lovely, lovely time.

I was reminiscing the other day. I can't remember what started it but a stream of memories came pouring out over the phone to my Polly. I have every intention of blogging them over the next few days. I'd have started tonight but I had such a magical day, I had to mention it. The sunshine, the clean smell of the river in the spring, the smiles, the laughter.

This was a good day.

Suppression

I had a post already written for tonight - it's actually saved as a draft as I sit here.

Circumstances changed, however and it's no longer relevant. So instead...tonight I went out to a Table Quiz in aid of charity. I found myself in the company of the loveliest, most delightful lady in the world and a young girl a long way from home. We were runners up. The people I met were very friendly and for the most part I had a fantastic time and laughed so hard I almost gagged a couple of times. If the answer to any question, the next time I go to a quiz, is "beaver" it may well kill me.

I say "for the most part" as I did find it difficult on a couple of occasions to stop myself from doing what's become the most natural thing in the world and reaching out across the table to take her hand. If I called her "darlin'" a couple of times I don't think anyone noticed. The quote is something like "Nothing can for long hide love where it exists" but tonight I managed to keep a lid on it. Just about.

Days

I've treated myself to a morning of doing very, very little. I work pretty hard when I'm "at work", especially if you factor in the hours I have to keep to catch the bus to work. So as I've got two days off today and tomorrow, I thought I'd chill for a while.

There's things that I need to get done - I could do with a few bits of shopping, I need to count up my change again and pay it into an account, I need to produce another two articles for publication before Sunday, I have housework that's waiting for me, the usual kind of thing.

I'm sat here with hair wet from the shower so I'm not going out for a while. Yes, it's quite a nice day for mid-March but it's a little chilly to be going out while wet of head.

So an early lunch, I think, while my hair dries and maybe put some washing on. A stroll to the bank and Tesco this afternoon and then start on the tidying up at whatever pace suits me. Sounds like a plan!

There was cake!

So since I was last here I'm a year older. I'm officially now in my mid-forties.

I had a lovely birthday, and the day after. It's also far too late at night for me to go into much detail about it now as I'm back to work in morning and have to be out of bed in less than 5 hours.

Laters...

Pretty Sky

...over the Business Park early in the morning.

Scary

I have a day off today. Yay! After this my next day off will be my 44th birthday.

I'm actually a little scared and it has nothing to do with the Eurosong Special I watched last night on RTE1. Can I write 8 articles of about 400 words each in 4 weeks? Do I have the invention to come up the articles and the organisational powers to meet the deadlines?

I think I probably do, yes.

My bad

I haven't posted here for a few days and feel bad about it. It's one of the things about blogging - it kind of gets a hold of you!

I have an excuse tonight, though. I made burritos for myself for dinner and may have gone a little overboard with the salsa. Consequently, I've been tipping cold drinks down my neck with abandon. And when I haven't been doing that I've been running to the bathroom to drain said fluids away.

Sigh. Some days are like that.

Words

So after two nights out in a row, I have no plans to leave the house now, before the morning when I go to work.

It's a little strange but I'm kind of lonely. I'm usually pretty content sat here with some music on, playing on Facebook when I'm not houseworking but tonight I've put a movie on for company.

It's probably being around people so much. It's a habit I could get into.

Of course, the above was written about four hours ago. I didn't go out and had two movies on, which is why it's taken me so long to write this.

In other news, there's a possibility I may be doing some freelance writing work, which would be very cool. And possibly a stepping stone to other writing work, who knows? That would be a dream...

And did you miss me, while you were looking for yourself out there?

Tempus

I can hear the rain rattling on the roof like a skeleton dancing a demented jig. I'm guessing that the wind is blowing "the other way", as I can't hear it against the window.

I can also hear raucous voices some way off, what sounds like next door running up and down their landing, and the clock ticking away to itself downstairs. I'd speed that one up, if I could.

I gave my word not to try to mess with passage of time and I'll stand by that. Sixty seconds will always go together to make up a minute, however long they take to roll by.  I'll relish the minutes and hours that pass by faster than a shadow, treasuring every breath that fills them. And I'll silently count away the morose, shuffling hours and days, watching with infinite patience the spectacle of the second hand dragging itself around and around.

I have seen the future and it is a wonderful place. Sometimes it seems so close. Other times, less so.

The Heart Of The Blog

*hack. cough. splutter*

Yeah, yeah. Just let me have a swig of the wine to wash that away.

I was looking back in the archives tonight. My first ever blog post was Halloween 2004. I never imagined what i might have started. I don't have a world-shattering blog and it's never going to be a source of financial income but I would be lost without it. First Solid Gone and now Twirling have given me somewhere where I could be more myself than anywhere else. My rules, my choice of topic.

A blog can be a lot of things, depending on the author. In it's most basic form it's just what it says on the tin - a web log, an online diary. The amount of anonymity you create around it is entirely up to you. I always found (and find!) it a delicate balancing act between making sure that people read it, if you want them to, and ensuring that those you don't want to don't read it.

Despite this, it can be a huge release, just having somewhere to pour things out, especially without directly burdening those that one loves. I can't imagine not having a blog, even if I'm not posting regularly at any given point. I remember blogging when I was at my lowest ebb, when it felt like it was my only escape. These days I tend to be so loved up that I almost feel obliged to provide free sick-buckets for my patient readers! The point is that I can say what I want, when I want.

I have a team night out to "look forward" to on Saturday. I rather doubt that I'll stay long but I'll pop along to be sociable. Who knows, I might even have a good time.

I have another early start in the morning. I might hope to sleep a little better than I did last night, when, for whatever reason, I couldn't get the brain to power down. Which is kind of ironic.

My arm is bothering me again. I noticed yesterday morning that I'd done something to it again. I have a heat-wrap that a lovely lady gave me, that I'll fit tomorrow once I get to work. If I try and do it before I go I'll only make a hash of it through rushing. 

And I just spotted a pack of biscuits...

Deep In The Night

...or at least early in the morning!

Just popped in to note that it's all in the choice of music. I had a shocking night and slept for maybe two and a half hours, tops. However, the right music on the iPod on the way in has given me a huge boost into the day.

Now, let's see how long it lasts...

Knot work

After the relative comfort and civility of not starting work until 9, I have to be at 7 in the morning again for the next three days for training. This means back getting up at an ungodly hour of the morning. To coin a phrase - Gah!

Today went reasonably well, considering my cold. I'll be honest and say that I felt very peculiar on occasions and the fact that our "floor" is a little uncomfortably warm at the best of times didn't really help. I'm not giving in to a fecking cold, though, so it can do its worst! I spent most of today more concerned with how someone else was getting on than with how my day was going, so that might have taken my mind off it.

I actually feel better at the moment than I have for most of the day. That's probably something to do with the fact that the most strenuous thing I've done in the last few hours has been to polish off the last of a tub of ice-cream. As much as I'd like to sit here listening to music and reading for a few hours, I guess I should try and get some sleep. I really need to win the lottery, you know. That reminds me - I was having a tidy up of some surface dross earlier and found two lottery tickets from a couple of months ago. They'll still be valid so I must remember to check them tomorrow. Yes, a few million quid would be nice but i think about €75,000 would do very nicely. It'd get two ships back on a very even keel and act as a stable springboard for the future.

Oh, how I love to mix metaphors! The English language is like a length of good rope - you can tie it up in some fantastic knots.

Poorly

I've had two days off sick and then a day off that was scheduled.

I don't mind telling you that I felt rotten for a couple of days with some kind of sickness bug and now appear to have a stinking cold. A cold is not reason enough to stay off, though, so it's back to work tomorrow. On a new shift, as well. Up until now my working days have been 7 - 3.45. We'll now rotate between that and 9 - 5.45 which at least means I don't have to get up at an obscene hour of the morning. I have decongestants and tissues - I'll be grand.

A certain lovely lady took very good care of me, including making sure I had DVDs to keep me amused. I gotta say, I thoroughly enjoyed Kung-Fu Panda but I wasn't that impressed with The Dark Knight. Maybe my tastes are changing as I get older. A lot of things change as the years go by but I've found something that will last forever.

I discovered something at work last week, or maybe the week before. I have loads of holiday to take before September. Some of it I hope to be able to spend with the aforementioned lovely lady. She's not going to be able spend every minute of my holidays with me though, which begs the question what to do with the rest of it. Living in a city with an airport, day-trips out of the country aren't impossible. Public transport means that day-trips within the country are possible. I wouldn't have a problem with doing either of these things by myself but for one thing. I still need to "settle my financial affairs" back in the UK. If I choose to spend weeks that I have as holiday just lounging around and enjoying not having to get up early, that will mean that I'm not spending money. If Polly is busy elsewhere then I have no-one to please but myself and the prospect of getting completely out of debt is very appealing.

And for tonight that is all. I have a bed that's far too big for one and a gap in my arms and heart tonight. Music and a book for an hour or so, I think. Or Facebook...

Subdued

It’s been a funny kind of day.

I was far too late to sleep last night and was in a complete daze when I got up. By the time I woke up enough to realise that I’d got to work, I was also awake enough to realise that I wasn’t in the happiest of moods. There was nothing specific I could pinpoint, I just wasn’t right. “Subdued” was the word I used at the time. I still don’t have a better word for it. It felt like the recollection of an upset which leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

It’d faded by lunch-time and I was able to find a semblance of my usual self. As the evening has worn on, that same slightly bitter taste has been creeping around again. Like a sulky dog, it’s prowling around almost out of my eye-line but I know it’s there. I can probably sleep it off.

Although plans have changed today and are still in a state of fluidity, I have high hopes for an enjoyable weekend. Which, let’s face it, isn’t far away now.

Taste

I had a meal in Burger King tonight, in the company of a lovely lady. Class, eh? Don’t knock it. Once the word “cheeseburger” cropped up in conversation, it was always going to happen.

I must take issue with them on their desserts, though. Does anyone else think it’s just plain wrong to put Toffee Sauce on Strawberry Cheesecake ice-cream? On a Vanilla, with crumbled digestives – yes, but on a Strawberry Cheesecake? Oh, please!

I had a very peaceful afternoon after work, followed by a lovely evening. The expression “blissed out” springs immediately to mind.

I’d also like a new phone. Specifically, I’d like one of these, as this isn’t out over here yet. I am tied to my current phone for another 5 months though.

For now, sweet dreams.

St Valentine's

Words and Pictures

Blah!

I started a post here and then read it. Blah! Okay, so it’s not the most erudite self-criticism in the world but at least I’m prepared to hold my hands up to it when I’ve written something that’s crap.

Tomorrow is my Friday, if you get my drift. The last day of my working week. So Saturday = Friday. Good, I’m glad you’re coming with me on that. Working at the weekend has always had a different kind of “vibe” about it, no matter what job I’ve been doing. Remind me to talk about jobs one day.

So yes, vibes. Working weekends is a little like working night shifts. Everything seems subtly less formal, less pressurised. Of course, it isn’t at all. Any job will have similar demands whatever the day of the week, so maybe it’s just a state of mind. “It’s Saturday, so I really shouldn’t be working.” Something along those lines. I don’t know. I don’t even know where I’m going with this, so if you came with me I’m sorry.

I guess I’m getting tired. My eyes are feeling as dry as a desert wind. I’d like to see a desert one day. To watch the sun rising and colouring the world around me with kaleidoscope colours as it drags it’s sleepy way into the sky. There’s lots of beautiful places out there and I thank any God you like for the miracle of pictures so that I at least know that they’re there. Unless something extremely remarkable happens I’m going to see very few of them now. That’s not whining or feeling sorry for myself, it’s a calm acknowledgement of that which is. I’ve left a quiet yet indelible mark on a little corner of the world but I’m never going to look at my footprint in the Antarctic snow or watch the full moon rise from atop a Hawaiian volcano. It saddens me a little to know that, but the sadness is tempered by knowing that such things exist and that others have the pleasure of them. Some of these others are moved to words or to try to capture the images they see, and I thank them for that.

Don’t Stop Believing

I must stop listening to so much online radio. It uses up my monthly bandwidth allowance at rather too quick a rate. Oh my God! I knew I wanted to type the word “rate” then but do you think that I could remember the spelling? I was sat here with my fingers poised above the keyboard thinking “r-e-i-…no that’s wrong. w-r-a…no, no.” I know that I’m not a young man anymore but I had hopes that what little there is left of the brain might last a bit longer.

So let’s see if I can’t grind out one more blog post before the dementia takes hold completely. I’m in a strange frame tonight. I haven’t been able to settle to any of the things I’d usual do to fill the hours. I can’t get comfortable to sit anywhere, books are either too heavy to hold comfortably or the edges of the pages are too sharp, with one or two burning exceptions the songs on the radio haven’t been anywhere near where I’ve felt and I’m a little wary of having too many programmes open on the laptop at once. I started off with the iPod in it’s dock but kept having to get up to skip track, which was winding me up even more. iTunes it then, and hang the consequences. Let’s see if the laptop will outlast my mind.

I was thinking earlier on that I’d kind of like to see a movie but if it annoyed me I’d just get up and walk out tonight, which would be a waste of money. I went for a short walk just after dark. Late twilight almost, just with a faint lightness in the sky before night’s gown fell completely. It seemed that the world was full of people, birds and animals scurrying around, trying to bring their days to a close before the darkness grew too heavy. The water of The Lough looked cold and thick, viscous, syrupy. I think I’m ready for Spring to be here. It’s been a cold winter and I’d like to see some flowers and feel the lightness of the morning sunshine on my face.

It’s not coming soon, though. According to the BBC we’re back to degrees below zero here in Cork for the next few nights, which will at least ensure that I’m fully awake by the time I get to work.

As usual, in the couple of hours it’s taken me to put this together while I’ve been drifting around the house, I’ve managed to take the edge off my mood with some music. Properly applied, there’s very little in this world like music. Across any century or genre, nothing moves the heart and stirs the soul like music. It’s one of the things I never want to have to live without. So I’ve gone back and changed the title of this post. I’ll never stop believing.

King Meringue

I am determined not to lapse into negativity about the new Facebook layout. It may not be working perfectly at the moment but I'm sure that there is a team working on it right now. At least, there'd better be...

I've had a lovely day today, having spent the guts of it with the prettiest girl in the world. And on the subject of guts, having had a most palatable main course at lunch, we decided to check out the dessert menu. Like you would. What we didn't expect was the size of the portions...

...which this picture doesn't really make clear. It was a humungous plate of dessert! And when you bear in mind that this was just mine and Polly had something along the similar size!

So I'm back to work tomorrow. Tuesday to Saturday again, so it's a happy coincidence that my next day off is St Valentine's day.

"Back to work tomorrow" means an obscenely early start again, so I'm inclined to swap the washing over, have a quick supper (yep, still hungry - healthy appetite!) and turn in for the night. Sweet dreams everyone. Especially you. 5 sleeps!

Discharge Note

Okay, now that she’s back at home I can relax a little and look around at the rest of the world.

I’ve spent very little time in the house since Monday. Maybe popped in for a quick snack between work and the hospital and then a meal after visiting time and before bed. Someone has clearly been using the house, though, as the washing up has multiplied beyond belief. Do dirty dishes breed, does anyone know? I thought that the pixies came in and did housework not held riotous parties. Little bastards! I may have to blitz the house on Sunday, which is my next day off.

So as I’m working tomorrow I‘m going to miss the start of the 6 Nations rugby. I can probably catch the end of the Ireland game in the work canteen and may have to linger in the Airport hotel if they have England v. Wales on in their bar.

I met a rugby loving lady last night. Rather nerve-wracking, actually. You remember what it’s like meeting family of a loved one for the first time. Thankfully she was charming, delightful company, a trait that obviously runs in the family. She was also kind enough to give me a lift home from the hospital.

On the subject of the hospital, to close. When I was waiting for a good moment to leave I saw the effect that certain company has on certain people and didn’t like it one tiny, little bit.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Good Help

Sorry I haven’t been about too much so far this week. It’s been a little fraught.

My two closest companions are currently together. The small, cuddly dinosaur that I spend most of my time in the house talking to is with the person who is more dear to me than the rest of the world, in hospital.

Without going into unnecessary detail, I’m rather of the opinion that an issue which arose before Christmas was never adequately dealt with and has resurfaced. I know that she’s in the best place and that the best that Ireland can offer are looking after her but it was something of a shock to both of us when she was admitted.

So forgive me if I’m a little distracted, okay?

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. The rest of creation may have to manage without me for a bit while I concentrate on what really matters to me.